Category : Stories
Sub Category : Thriller
On a cold night of December's darkness, A young girl sat by a lamp post. Right underneath a mistletoe. Out of the shadows came a man, wearing completely black and covering his face. The girl shivered and looked up at him... Little did she know that was the last thing she was ever going to do...
Comments
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First of all, dont downrate yourself, It's not a bad story. Second of all, you could have used more intense words, but it does it's job and creates and ominous mood. I would also change the last sentence, because its a bit of a cliche and used in too many (and when i mean many, i mean many) horror stories. Some words/phrases could be: creeped up her spine; violently shivered in her loose clothing; stranger surrounded by a cloud of darkness with an almost threatning auroa; etc. Just words that create vivid imagery. An ending sentence could be: She could almost feel Death's breath on her shoulders or She was oblivious to the end. Her end. Also maybe some grammatical errors such as "of" vs "in" (you would also have to change "December's" to December), but still good. Overall, good story, but could need improvements.
Dec 12, 2018