Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Miscellaneous

I have always been the person who tries to always be there for others. And being that person, I tend to feel a lot. I have depths within me, an ocean for a heart, but sadly, I keep falling for people who are too scared to swim. I give and I give and I give; tearing pieces of my soul into the smallest of fragments just to set someone else aflame. Sad, huh? 

As much as I hate to admit it, it hurts. I ache, wondering if someone will ever give me the kind of love I so freely give to others, wondering if there will come a time when someone would care enough to ask how I'm doing, how I'm coping, how I'm holding up. 

But unfortunately, that doesn't usually happen. People are too busy to care. Which then leaves me with no choice but to suck it up, ride it out and be my own champion. That's the time I find strength in things instead of people. I find energy in my solitude, and I find hope in my daydreams. I build myself up by convincing myself that I don't need anyone to 'save' me or to 'steady' my foundation. 

Truth is, I do need someone in my corner, someone who has my back for a change. 

See, being the person who is always there for everyone else, I, too, need someone to be there for me. Just because I smile a lot, it doesn't mean I don't hurt. Just because I am always there to comfort, to listen and to wipe away tears, it doesn't mean my floodgates are sealed shut. Being the person who encourages, uplifts and motivates everyone around me, I, too, need to know that I am appreciated, that I matter, because believe it or not, I, too, need to be encouraged myself from time to time. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to blow my own horn here, but I know I have a big heart. I know that I hold within me an ability to calm storms in people, which is a beautiful gift that has proven to relieve sore hearts and hurt minds. I give people hope, it's what I do. I'm a hope dealer. I inspire people by acknowledging the pieces of themselves that are most ignored. I make people feel important, feel wanted, I make people feel worthy. Because they are all of those things. 

However, being the hope dealer, the cheerleader and the advocate can sometimes drain me out that I need to constantly remind myself that I am not invincible. Like everybody else, my heart needs rest. I need rest. Because I'm only human. But sometimes when I'm too involved in trying to help someone, I forget that. 

I find that I need to remind myself constantly that I do not need to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders all the time. I need to be okay with the fact that I may not be able to save everyone or heal every hurt. I need to constantly remind myself that I, too, deserve to take all of the energy I put into the world and invest it back into myself because if I don't, I will burn out and then I will really be screwed. 

It has happened. I have burned out. And that was when I realized that I, too, am worthy of the love I keep giving to everyone, and that's when I realized that I don't have to always be strong and I don't always have to be the 'fixer'. When I'm drained, exhausted and burned out from being everybody else's champion, that's usually the time where I realize that it is okay for me to be human, to ask for help. And that's the time where I realize that I don't always have to be the only one to save myself.