Category : Books-Fiction

Sub Category : YoungAdult

ORIGINAL CROWLEY'S BET Chapter 1 - Crowley's bet (short story) CROWLEY’S BET CHAPTER ONE: A demons tale (intro) Jane Rockwell was 23 years old, and worked in a very run down café in Blackpool, England not more than a ten minute walk away from Blackpool town centre.  Jane (Sometimes called Janie) was your pretty average girl 5ft5, brown short hair, doe eyes, slender, sweet, pretty, in other words the girl next door, the problem was that Jane didn’t want this life, what she wanted was to be a world renowned model living in Paris, drinking champagne, eating caviar, wining and dining with all the stars (Who hasn’t had this dream??) but how would little Janie with her beautiful big doe eyes and her nine to five job ever have her little dream come true?? I bet you didn’t know this girl next door, was famous did you?? Oh she became famous alright, and no she didn’t sell her soul to the devil or some lower bloody demon, no ladies and gentlemen she sold her soul to me, My details are un-important, well at this present moment in time they are. But I’m sure you’re wondering why I offered to give her fame and glory (and all that jazz) Well you see me and my mate Crowley (another demon. We all happen to be a little closer to Satan, there’s about six of us that just so happen’ too be Satan’s right hand men and woman, I happen to be the only female at this status, lazy bitches) we were kinda bored and decided that the person to get the most souls at the start and end of April had to do all the paper work that was backed up since Christmas. It was almost the end of April and we both had the exact amount of souls 208 to be exact. (Collecting souls isn’t what it used too be) So I saw an opportunity one miserable afternoon in Blackpool city centre (The amount of caous in there is un-real!) I saw her strolling along the shops, peering in at the pretty dresses that she knew deep down inside she’d never have. I could see her heart break as her big bright doe eyes filled up with tears, imagining about the life she thought she’d never have. To be honest I kinda felt sorry for her, which is why I chose her. I could have chosen anybody in the entire world, anyone in the whole of Blackpool, drug addicts, wife beaters, chid molesters, Rapists, mothers, fathers!!! Any of them, but for some reason I chose her, I’m not sure why yet, but there must have been a reason As was once told by my mother(May she burn in Hell)  “There is a reason for everything everybody does, and if anyone says that the reason for doing something was” no reason” they’re lying because it is illogical to not have a reason for your actions or for what you said” Now some of you reading this are maybe wondering, why would a demon be writing a book, others are probably  wondering what the point is to all of this is, and there’s the really obvious question: If I felt sorry for this girl why didn’t I give her what she wanted for free? No cost, no catch, just out of the goodness of my little black festering heart. Well for starters: Hello!!!! Demon!!!! Its not my job to simple give something away for free, not even the man upstairs does that! For example God gave The Virgin Mary a baby, couple of years down the line baby turns into a man and then he gets nailed too a cross, are any of you seriously telling me God didn’t see that coming?? You see pain and suffering, even Heavens at it, except they’re a bit more righteous about it. No doubt of you out there is sticking your nose up at this book but hey! Everyone’s entitled to their opinion. Just happens mines a bit more true. Anyway, I made Janie a deal, and she took it. 30 years later and she’s a big star, movie carer, world renowned model, singer, yadayada The life of the rich and famous, funny thing really. She had more than she’d ever hoped for and she was still miserable! She got married, had three children and still the little wench was miserable!! ( Now what you have to understand is , demons don’t go around granting wishes, there’s only two demons to ever do that in the 8 billion years, ones me and the others someone that got flayed by an angel, something too do with a statue, can’t remember really) Well I did what any demon in my position would do I paid her a visit. She stood there beside the window looking gloomy as ever (I swear you humans are so UN grateful) I stood there beside her in my long black over coat and smiled “Cheer up Janie, you might of sold your soul but you got the dream, isn’t this everything you ever wanted” I pulled out a cigarette and lit it “oh, where are my manners, do you want one” handing the packet too her She took one and said “It might have been what I wanted 30 years ago, but it wasn’t what I expected, does it ever get easy?” “Nope not one bit, you see darlin’ it’s a lot like this: there is not deep and wonderful meaning too life, you humans want there to be a meaning, cause lets face, it the theory that your getting shit on for no reason and your going to die at end with no reward, and you just went through hell and back for no reason isn’t really what you people are looking for.” “Well what are we looking for?” I took a drag and blow out a little circle “Purpose, you people are obsessed with purpose” She looked at me with her head tilted slightly to the left as though she was trying too make the words fall out of her head, then she straightened up and shook her head slightly (you humans do the strangest things). “Your 53 now, you’re still young, but you feel old why, is that??” I asked now looking out at the garden with its marble court yard and its well trimmed hedges and its flowers growing around climbers weaving in and out steadily going up and never going down. “Because my life is half over and I don’t feel as though I’ve done enough” she sighed. Chuckling I said “Then have a mid-life crises, I’m sure that will fill what ever void that’s in you” She scowled, you could no longer see the wrinkles on her fore-head because of all the face lifts and botox  in her face, for a girl who used to be so pretty , she was well on her way to looking some what like a drag queen. (Ok maybe that’s a bit mean, but hello: Demon! Now I can’t be nice all the time) “I don’t think I need to have one of those, thank you” (Its amazing how correct and proper you people get when someone insults you). “Well, unless you want too sell your husbands soul or your kids soul, that would be just fine” (The younger the better, hint hint) “I want my soul back” Jane said ignoring the comment “Sorry, hunny buns, no refunds” I blew a kiss and winked (this is called being passive aggressive, children). She stamped her foot and shouted “you will give me back my soul!!! You will!!!!! God damn it you will!!!” “Sorry, that’s not in Gods jurisdiction, you know to damn things” (You have no idea how much this is making me smile right now) Oh you should have seen the look on her face; it was like someone had smacked her across the face with a shovel. Priceless. “Regardless!!!!! I want it back and I want it back now!!!!”  She said now jumping up and down like a two year old that was just told by its mum that it wasn’t getting the sweeties. Oh the day you don’t have a video camera.  I swear there is nothing better than making someone loose it, its like Christmas morning (or at least that’s what I think) when you’re a kid and you rush down stairs to pile of presents just for you, but I haven’t had a Christmas in over five thousand years so I don’t really know what they’re like now a days. “Give it to me!!!!!” She was practically pulling her hair out Desperately trying not too die laughing ( As a higher demon I’m supposed to wear a look of complete distain around humans, kinda some new policy in Hell that some twat came up with, but I ignore it best I can)  “ Like I said , sugar you can’t have it back, I give it back, you die. Plus I’d loose a bet with a mate of mine” “What do you mean I’ll die??!!” “Because your souls been in Hell for about two thousand years, I put it back in and bibti bobiti boo, ashes too ashes , dust too dust , your history sweetheart, and if I gave it back to you that means I’ll have to do paper work, you’d be kinda inconveniencing me by dying, lovely” She looked at me and swung in my direction, but all she clawed at was thin air (it’s a little party trick I learned from pestilence, couple of years back, comes in handy doncha think) CHAPTER TWO: Back too Hell (Enjoy your stay) Crowley came skipping into my office with a cigar in his mouth issuing brownish white smoke everywhere. “Well, well. Did you go off and see your happy customer??” Crowley said a bit too smug for my liking (isn’t it funny, when you’re having one of ‘Them’ days that you just detest everybody who dares too be happy around you??) “Yeah” I said as I shoved a crap load of paper work in Crowley’s direction “So what did little Janie, want??” “Her soul! I swear humans these days have no concept of reality anymore” I rolled my eyes as I took out a bottle of scotch and two glasses and poured. “Remember the good old days, where they just knew they weren’t getting their souls back, I wonder when they started thinking they’d get them back??” “1964 mate everything changed then” I said lighting a cigarette I stared out the window for a while, and I began too think of the days when me and Alistair were human (Yes I was once human too, a very long, long time ago, a demons godda start somewhere doesn’t she??) , back in the day where I didn’t know anything about Heaven or Hell or Magic and I just thought Alistair had finally cracked, and look where I am, I’m in the pits of Hell making sure lower fricken demons don’t screw everything up, and I have too kiss ass to save my own ass, otherwise I’m looking at deep fried and BBQ’d on a Saturday afternoon and I’ll be on the menu. I took another drag and breathed slowly “its funny, life’s over in a matter of seconds to us, but humans think it takes forever or at least years” “Jez……” “What?” I raised an eyebrow “You’re going to have too sort this out and soon” he said as he started walking towards “Crowley” He spun round “Yeah??” “Don’t ever say my name, again” (I’ve always hated my name) He smiled “No problem… Jezabel” I threw a book at him, but it hit the door instead “Evil!” “Hello, demon!” I shouted at him Ok maybe some of you are wondering where this story is going (impatient bitches!), Well if I’m honest ( Not my best suit) I have no idea, but hey, you can’t judge me I’m in Hell (Neh na na na na) I’m only doing this cause I’m bored anyway, but this story’s more about me than anything else. But on the bright side I went too see an old mate of mine Now, this isn’t any mate, this is an Angel, he died about a week before me. I really don’t know how the Hell Ky became an angel; he’s actually one of Raphael’s right hand men. You see Arch Angels kinda have there own little group of selected Angels, That aren’t ranked in the human bible, or even mentioned which is kinda crap for Ky really (Oh well). So I went too the Witches Forest (In Blackpool) and sat in a tree calling for Ky (He really hates that) five seconds later he finally shows up “Yes, Mrs Crowley, you bellowed?” Ky couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face (You see Crowley and I were dew too be married when we were human, but I died and then he died, Yes its all very tragic and sad, get over it! I did) I stuck my middle finger up at him “Any chance you want to become a wingless little birdie??” “You know I’m only having fun Jez, besides you didn’t call me to be cute, want to tell what’s up? “I’ve got an annoying human, any chance your dude up there wants to be a bit righteous about it, you know “I shall smite the where thy stand” Jazz” He folded his arms and stuck out his bottom lip in protest, almost like a two year old giving its parents a sad face because it’s not getting what it wants. “God doesn’t go around doing that!” “Yeah, because Noah’s Arch is just a bed time story isn’t it sweetheart…. Oh yeah that’s right God got pissed off, because someone didn’t get him the right drink” (You think I’m joking?? No kiddies this is why half of the ‘Natural disasters’ happen, God gets pissed off! Anger management issues you see, Lucifer kinda takes after him really, Satan’s a bit more laid back about stuff) “Well he’s stopped drinking! Besides it was Lucifer’s fault, he’s the one that made him angry! And made him an alcoholic!” Ky sulked “Yeah cause its always the kids fault if daddy dearest turns too the bottle isn’t it” I chuckled “Any way, please help me with this problem, all I can hear in my head is that woman screaming, and if I kill her or send death after her I’m going to be responsible for her for eternity!” “Well you know I can’t do it!” “Well get one of your Canary friends to do it!”  (Seriously can’t help smiling here) “We’re not birds, we are Angels!!” “Ok, ok don’t get your halo in a twist! Just please help me” He sighed “Fine I’ll see what I can do” Back at my office half an hour later I get a phone call from Ky and guess what, he can’t find anybody to whack the stupid bint over the head! I mean how hard is it to go and push someone off a cliff? Lucifer came stomping in like a two year old “I want to know, why!?” he said, now sulking and folding his arms (for someone so cute he definitely pulled the ugliest face you ever did see). “Why, what?” I said as I leaned back in my chair “Who is responsible for this!!??” Lucifer snarled as he stamped his feet (Seriously, someone really needs to hit this guy over the head with a shovel) Then I smelled, well I’m not sure what I smelled but it sure as Hell wasn’t a basket of roses, kinda like pickled eggs left out in the sun too long with a mixture of festering puke on the side (Yum – This is sarcasm) Then I heard the snarling and from behind Lucifer came this tattered looking Hell Hound (Pestilence uses them for tearing flesh apart and tracking down, well everything and anything) “And what parietal, do you want me to do with that?” Lucifer looked livid, and screaming in my head had finally gotten to the point were I was about to start gouging out my eyes with a spoon, just so I could have something just as fun to worry about. Just as he was about too say something, I cut across him and said “Sorry, got to deal with a customer” I snapped my fingers and I was standing in front of little Janie, who looked like crap by the way, she had started to decay (Don’t worry she’s still 53, its only been a couple of weeks on earth, but its been a couple of years down in Hell, its funny how I never get much done really). You could tell too look at her that she wasn’t eating, her skin had started to cling to the very bones that made up her face, the rings around her eyes framed her sunken eyes, as she stared at me I could see her wasting away in front of me, “You had best stop screaming in my head dearie” “Give me back my soul!” she hissed “What part of, no refunds, did you not comprehend?” I snapped “GIVE ME BACK MY SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!” So I pushed her out the window, the screaming stopped, Lucifer got hit over the head with a shovel and I finally got married and had many demon babies And God finally forgave Lucifer, big father son reunion and there was world peace – Yeah right, the only way anybody’s goanna believe that is if they’re, taking coke, smack and meth all at the one big time with a side of a crate of booze just too spice up the insanity!  I did push her out the window, she just wouldn’t die. Why is it you people feel the need too be so fricken’ awkward and clutch onto life, I mean really people do you stay awake at night, trying to think of new ways to piss me off?? Why do you people go out of your way just to inconvenience me!? You would of sworn I was Hitler, or something –sigh- Anyway I pushed her out the window but she didn’t die (if you haven’t noticed I skip boring bits) and the stupid cow didn’t die! She just had too go and cling onto the window sill and now she’s still crowing in my head, I mean seriously, you would think that if you pushed someone out the window because they were irritating you they would at least have the comin’ sense too at least leave you alone!  But oh no Satin forbid (I like him a shit load more than I like Lucifer) that happen’! I’m pretty sure none of you feel my pain, ugh, humans! So obviously when one has a bad day at work one either goes too the pub or goes home, To the Pub!!! Rodon’s Bar was just outside of Hannah, Alberta, Canada (Now I don’t live here peeps, but you got to love Rodon, he’s 6ft tall, skinny but built, long fair hair, blue eyes, and tattoos on either arms, his lip was priced  too, he was one of the most sarcastic men I’d ever met. but quite the charmer)  “Well, well…. The wonderer returns” he smiled                  “Glass o’ Jack, and keep your remarks to your self” {Now Rodon was no stranger to Demons, Angels, Magic or any of what’s most commonly known as the supernatural, he has dabbled in it from time to time as far as I know.} “Why, is the big bad boss getting you down” his voice dripping with sarcasm  as he poured Jack Daniels into an old fashioned whiskey glass “What did I just say about remarks!!?” I snatched the drink off the counter and downed it all in one go, the after taste made me shudder (I HATE THAT) “Big annoying human won’t leave you alone??” “Yeah, got a remedy for that, too?” He smirked “Well, how about an ice-pick or a shovel?” “Wow, subtle” I said with mock awe “Look, if you want the human dead, why not try poison?” “Still shows up … you do realize they do tox. screens down in Hell, right?” “ Well, no I didn’t” he smiled “I need something, to get rid of her”  I said now getting up and going for the door “Jezabel, don’t do anything stupid!” Smiling I said “I won’t” Walking back home I thought about , what I was going too do, well there wasn’t much I could do, I had an unhappy customer a shit load of paper work to do and a bottle of wine in the fridge with my name on it…….. I could….. No!!.... I couldn’t…… Could I? Yes, I need too, there’s no other thing for it, and I’m going too have to call Death himself……. To Be Continued ……………