Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

   One of my most common problems is, I become to easily distracted over time. I spend long hours focusing on my work without finding myself a break, and when it comes time to take a break I take too long of a one. I don't come back as fresh as what I need to, and I become easily distracted by everything else around me. The temptations of the world can be too much, especially when It's all at your fingertips. We become less content with what me have and desire more. It's like a drug that doesn't waiver, it becomes an addiction like no other. In today's society people have become bored with their normal lives, and focused more on entertainment than any other branch.
   Humans are easily manipulated, without ever knowing it's being done. Sometimes we know what is being done, but don't know how to approach it. Our world is full of complications, feelings, and knowledge. Yet the humans, still remain the same as they did thousands of years ago. We may find new ways of completing tasks, but these tasks are the same ones that people completed thousands of years ago another ways. We may have more knowledge, but that knowledge simply leads to more questions. If we continue focusing on ourselves, and not those around us then what have we accomplished as writers? If we'd have not influenced a decision, if we have not informed the public of things, what have we done? Is it just about us enjoying writing, or is it that we really want to make a difference here?
   We all want more out of life than what we have. I want more out of life then worrying about each paycheck, and the amount of money I spend. I want more out of life than watching people suffer, and knowing that I can't do a damn thing about it in my current position. I wasn't supposed to exist, my birth was considered an impossibility. My mother struggled to give birth to me, yet here I am in a cage of part of my own making. I long for the power that brought me into this world. I seek answers, why I was meant to come into existence if I have difficulty taking care of myself. Finding away from me to survive and these desperate times is difficult. I grow weary of the pain and struggling. I want to have a peaceful ending, but it seems more like I am fated to hide in the darkness. My soul was tainted in my youth. I desired to lie, to hide what I am. The darkness is like a drug that doesn't leave your body. 
   I look at myself in the mirror everyday, and see the same unhappy soul hiding beneath a fake smile. What kind of facade am I running, if I can't exist the way I want to. Every team has its leader, yet I hide giving advice to the leader. Instead of being the kind of leader I should be. What leader am I, without an army? What kind of leader am I, if people aren't willing to follow me if I'm not wearing a mask. I'm still searching for answers why I exist in this world? The chances of my birth will less than one tenth of a percent, why was I born in this world if it was only meant for me to suffer? If I was born to suffer, what point is there for me to live my life? Is it because of the people who have already sacrificed themselves for me? If I hadn't existed, they would still be alive. I keep thinking in my head for those answers, but still can't arrive at a conclusion.