I'm just a normal man who works in a factory, days are the same, nothing comes to change this peaceful lake. No one will ever know that there is trouble inside, a deep trouble that makes me insecure about myself. Loneliness is killing me slowly, I always asked myself, what's wrong with me ? Why people don't want to be by my side even though there is a minor problem ? Why are people ignoring me like I don't exist anymore ? Should I change my identity, my personality? Should I wear a mask to please the society ? Why is it so hard to just be yourself ?How tough is it to be in a full crowd and feeling lonely. I'm the stranger, the intruder. I didn't face the reality till I met a little kid, one day, a sweet on his hand, seems like an innocent child until he told me : " You're black, you shouldn't be here". How can a kid destroy my whole existence ? For sure, I already knew that in this region people tend to be more racist yet I refused to admit that, I didn't accept that the only color of my skin would change my future. I hated myself because I was born black. Women here want to protect their delicate ivory white skin by any way, men who have white skin, clear eyes, blond hair are handsome, successful. Who in this world set this stupid rules ? Who said that a white person is smarter than a black one? USA is a country of freedom, where a needy guy can fastly be a rich, wealthy man. USA is popular for that, but why don't we talk about this freedom, Are we really free when everyone underestimates your capacities? When everyone treats you like an animal ? Because these people are blind, they only see black while we're more than just an ethnicity, we had enough of head down and listen to nonsense talk from inexperimented people who don't deserve their status, who think that they are superior.Everyday, on the way to the factory, I feel my heart tighten, I regret working there, who else can I blame apart myself ? Sometimes I think that if I was born white I wouldn't had to live this miserable life, but destiny let you powerless. I have no siblings, no parents, no family, I lost my mom two years ago, I never knew my dad, they say he was too busy to see us, he is in a far country, somewhere, I say that he is a coward, that he didn't hold his responsibilities, he doesn't deserve a place in this world, and if I see him someday, I will punch him really hard for all this years when I needed a dad, a strong man in this hell to guide me, just to tell me " Wake up man, you need to fight for a piece of bread in this fucking world", just to be by my side, but he ran away, this looser just think about himself, he surely doesn't know the meaning of dad, before that, he left my mom, he left such an amazing women, she may look like a hard person, but she changed into that just to protect me, if you show your weakness, you will be assaulted and hurted. My mom is kind and bountiful, she played both the role of mother and dad, she saw my dad leaving without any cry, though I know that she was scared and afflicted alone with a baby in her arms. I will never forget that day before she left this hell to join heaven, she told me " I'm sorry, I was not the perfect mother. thanks to you, a hopeless women gave birth to the reason of her life, she said that with the last smile on her face. I was thinking about going with her, cause I'm a looser like my dad, who would cry on my grave when I'm gone ? What would change if I'm not here anymore ? Until I saw a conference of a black man, an elderly bold man, look like he served in the Marines, he has an eagle globe and Anchor tatoo on his arm. He was so focused on his conference and I admired his personality, how he takes the attention of everyone
I'm just a normal man who works in a factory, days are the same, nothing comes to change this peaceful lake. No one will ever know that there is trouble inside, a deep trouble that makes me insecure about myself. Loneliness is killing me slowly, I always asked myself, what's wrong with me ? Why people don't want to be by my side even though there is a minor problem ? Why are people ignoring me like I don't exist anymore ? Should I change my identity, my personality? Should I wear a mask to please the society ? Why is it so hard to just be yourself ?How tough is it to be in a full crowd and feeling lonely. I'm the stranger, the intruder. I didn't face the reality till I met a little kid, one day, a sweet on his hand, seems like an innocent child until he told me : " You're black, you shouldn't be here". How can a kid destroy my whole existence ?
For sure, I already knew that in this region people tend to be more racist yet I refused to admit that, I didn't accept that the only color of my skin would change my future. I hated myself because I was born black. Women here want to protect their delicate ivory white skin by any way, men who have white skin, clear eyes, blond hair are handsome, successful. Who in this world set this stupid rules ? Who said that a white person is smarter than a black one? USA is a country of freedom, where a needy guy can fastly be a rich, wealthy man. USA is popular for that, but why don't we talk about this freedom, Are we really free when everyone underestimates your capacities? When everyone treats you like an animal ? Because these people are blind, they only see black while we're more than just an ethnicity, we had enough of head down and listen to nonsense talk from inexperimented people who don't deserve their status, who think that they are superior.Everyday, on the way to the factory, I feel my heart tighten, I regret working there, who else can I blame apart myself ? Sometimes I think that if I was born white I wouldn't had to live this miserable life, but destiny let you powerless. I have no siblings, no parents, no family, I lost my mom two years ago, I never knew my dad, they say he was too busy to see us, he is in a far country, somewhere, I say that he is a coward, that he didn't hold his responsibilities, he doesn't deserve a place in this world, and if I see him someday, I will punch him really hard for all this years when I needed a dad, a strong man in this hell to guide me, just to tell me " Wake up man, you need to fight for a piece of bread in this fucking world", just to be by my side, but he ran away, this looser just think about himself, he surely doesn't know the meaning of dad, before that, he left my mom, he left such an amazing women, she may look like a hard person, but she changed into that just to protect me, if you show your weakness, you will be assaulted and hurted. My mom is kind and bountiful, she played both the role of mother and dad, she saw my dad leaving without any cry, though I know that she was scared and afflicted alone with a baby in her arms. I will never forget that day before she left this hell to join heaven, she told me " I'm sorry, I was not the perfect mother. thanks to you, a hopeless women gave birth to the reason of her life, she said that with the last smile on her face. I was thinking about going with her, cause I'm a looser like my dad, who would cry on my grave when I'm gone ? What would change if I'm not here anymore ? Until I saw a conference of a black man, an elderly bold man, look like he served in the Marines, he has an eagle globe and Anchor tatoo on his arm. He was so focused on his conference and I admired his personality, how he takes the attention of everyone
Nov 03, 2018
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