Category : Articles

Sub Category : Miscellaneous

I had gone through so many painful experiences in my life that I could write a book about it if I wanted to. Some were traumatic, some were tragic, and some, were too painful that I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even my worst enemy. Each experience had shaken me in one way or another which had caused some imbalance inside of me. Each experience required some sort of cure or fix in order for me to restore the balance. 

Healing, from what I discovered, is a long process of a long journey. There is no quick fix that could cure the problem overnight. Sure, I could have gone to a shrink and talk about whatever it was that was eating me up and I would most likely be prescribed some anti depressant pill to 'take the edge off'. But will the pills really take the pain away? No. It may relieve me from the stress for a few hours but once the effect of those pills wear off, I would be back to square one; feeling the strain of the pain. My brain is not going to magically erase the painful experience from my memory and my body is still going to react to that painful memory whether I like it or not. Basically, the chemicals in those pills only serve as a temporary reliever, not a real solution. 

I learned from my own experience that there is no right way to heal and realistically, there is no right way to forget. I also learned that in order to heal, I needed to ride it out no matter how painful it may be. Pushing the pain away or pretending it doesn't exist is not going to make it disappear. I knew I had to face it head on, and I did, each and every time. Sure, it scarred me, but it also changed me. It wounded my soul, but it also taught me how to survive and how to choose to live and fight for my health, happiness and well-being. 

I remember every pain I went through but they don't hurt anymore. For example, I can look at the people who hurt me and I don't feel a thing. Not anger, not resentment, not hatred, nothing. They have lost the power to hurt or ruin me. I have overcome their demons and ghosts, and I have let their toxicity go. In fact, they are the ones who made me realize and understand why I am better off without some people, and why some people have to go to make room for better people to come along. 

I know that some broken pieces of me will never be the same again but they are not going to stop me from loving, living, or moving forward, from believing again after losing all hope, or from starting over after hitting rock bottom. I am not scared of getting hurt again because I know how to bounce back and I know life will never be free of pain. 

I have had people come to me offering 'advice' to forget about my problems, or my pain, or my heartbreak. Though I appreciate their input, I chose not to listen to them. They were people looking in from the outside trying to piece the pieces together from what little information they have without having any real knowledge of the depth of the situation I was facing or going through. Fact is, I can't just forget something that changed me. I can't just forget someone who meant the world to me. I can't just forget so I refuse to put that pressure on myself. 

Today, I show off my scars with pride. I tell my painful stories with wisdom. I forgive myself for allowing people to hurt me. I don't define myself by the people who wronged me and I don't blame myself for the pain I have had to endure. Now, that is the process of healing. It may sound simple enough on paper, but when I actually put it to test, I found it was easier said than done because with every step I took, I was reminded of everything that happened which had caused me to have to heal myself. It was like doing a reenactment in my head of an unpleasant and painful situation, with all the mixed emotions brought to surface. It wasn't a walk in the park, I can tell you that much, but instead of letting it weigh me down, I let it lift me up. Despite all the painful shit I had to go through to heal, I still smiled, I still loved, I still gave, and I still believed. At the end of the day, healing to me, is a reminder that nothing was ever strong or powerful enough to break me.