Category : Stories

Sub Category : YoungAdult

Part 2
It had been a very hard day for Feira. From the moment she opened her eyes in the morning Noah had invaded her thoughts. She had a long and full day of meetings and brainstorming sessions which required her to be in her A-game. Her mind needed to be alert and focused but Noah's face kept popping inside her head making it difficult for her to concentrate. 
She has been playing this song and dance with Noah for over ten years now, this game of hide and seek. It was getting old. Noah is the most fickle-minded man she's ever met. He doesn't seem to know what he wants. One minute he would be all overly loving towards her, making her feel like she's everything to him, and next minute, he would be off chasing some skirt and flaunting his rendezvous all over social media, making her feel like she means nothing to him. It has been exhausting keeping up with him but for the life of her, she doesn't know why she just can't stop loving him. 
Noah had been involved with Sheila for the past two years. Sheila; his high school crush who never gave him the time of day way back then but suddenly claimed that he had always been her soulmate. Sheila; the model, actress and singer who secretly wish she could have her own reality TV show like 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians'. Sheila; Feira's nemesis and thorn in her side. 
Feira had sensed that the relationship between Noah and Sheila was doomed right from the start. They were two public figures with over-inflated ego who were very competitive when it comes to publicity. They would stop at nothing to get attention not even if it means hurting each other. Feira had warned Noah to be careful of Sheila but he wouldn't listen as he had stars in his eyes. Feira had seen the pain and drama Sheila had put him through and how Sheila had tried to turn him into the man she wants to be with. It was painful to watch a man as strong as Noah being turned into a mere puppet to suit her wants like as though he had no choice or say in any of it. Truth is, he had a choice and he chose to be made a fool of by Sheila. 
When Noah came to see her six months ago, he was a mess. He had quit his job at the radio station, he had lost his apartment to another woman he was shacked up with, he had no job, no money and no home. He has been living like a nomad seeking shelter at friends' homes, sleeping on their sofa and he was deep in debt. He was lost. He still put on a brave front, he still smiled, kept up appearances and pretended like everything was fine but Feira knew it was all a facade. She was the only woman in his life who really understands him and could see right through him. And she is the only woman whom he knows who truly loves him for him. Feira had always had his back. When push comes to shove, he knows he can always count on her to be in his corner. 
Sitting in her living room after the long day she had, sipping a glass of wine while listening to some slow jam and scrolling through her Instagram feed, she came across Sheila's latest post. Curious, she clicked on the post to read. Turns out, Sheila had written a fiction about a boy meeting a girl. The moment she read the storyline she knew that it was written based on Noah and Sheila's story. Feira could tell that Sheila was doing her utmost best to get Noah's attention for she knew that Noah had kept his distance from Sheila after they broke up for the umpteenth time six months ago. 
Somehow, reading Sheila's fiction made her blood boil. How long? How long before he crawls back into Sheila's arms? Sheila seemed to know the right buttons to push to pull him back. Feira has seen it happen many times before. Feeling disgusted, she logged out of the app and sat stewing. 
What is it about Noah that twists her up inside and makes her weak in the knees? What is it about the man who is nine years younger to her that has the power to touch her so deeply? What is it about the Casanova that got her hooked so tight? For the life of her, she just couldn't find the answers. All she knows is that she is truly and madly in love with him. Why else would she always have his back, right?
She lets out a big and heavy sigh as she poured herself another glass of wine. Her initial plan to continue writing the story she has been working on to add to her portfolio in Writer's Outlet was dashed. Her mind was too wrapped up with Noah and Sheila's games and where she fits in the mix. She was angry. Angry at Sheila for her manipulative ways, angry at Noah for being so shallow and foolish, and she was angry at herself for not being able to kill her feelings for Noah. 
In anger, she grabbed her box of Marlboro and lit up a stick of cigarette. As she took a long drag of the cigarette she knew she had to do something about her situation. She can't go on pining for Noah this way. She can't go on waiting for Noah to make up his mind. She can't go on hurting herself like this. 
For the next few minutes, she blanked her mind of any thoughts and just focused on the music that was playing in the background. She sipped her wine, smoked her cigarette and even sang along softly to the songs. For that brief few minutes she felt free.... until the song by Idina Menzel came on.
.... "All along all I ever wanted was to be the light when your life was daunting. But I can't see mine when I feel as though you're pushing me away. Well who's to blame, are we making the right choices? Cause we can't be sure if we're hearing our own voices as we close the door even though we are desperate to stay. 
If this is the moment I stand here on my own, if this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home, I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave. If this is the last chance before we say goodbye, at least it's the first day of the rest of my life, I can't be afraid, cause it's my turn to be brave. 
And I might still cry, and I might still bleed. These thorns in my side, this heart on my sleeve. And the lightning may strike this ground at my feet, and I might still crash, but I still believe. 
This is the moment I stand here all alone, with everything I have, everything I own. I might be afraid, but it's my turn to be brave. If this is the last time before we say goodbye, at least it's the first day of the rest of my life. I can't be afraid, cause it's my turn to be brave." .... 
The lyrics of the song spoke so resoundingly to her. It reverberated in her brain that all of a sudden she felt like a different person. She didn't feel like the 'always patient, understanding, giving and compassionate' Feira anymore. She felt bold, fierce and fearless. She felt brave. 
For the first time in a really long time, she is not going to rush the universe for answers. For the first time in a long time, she's the one who needs to slow down. She's tired of trying to figure everything out. She's tired of having to make immediate decisions. She's tired of trying to compete with Sheila for Noah's attention. 
For the first time in a long time, she's just letting things expire. She's letting things fade away. She's letting everything that once tortured her soul lose importance and lose depth. She letting those who hurt her exit her mind and her heart. 
She's letting Noah go without waiting for the universe to bring him back because for the first time in a really long time, she doesn't want him back. For the first time, she's not waiting for the stars to align because it's always been a little messy and a little dark with Noah. It's always been a little heavy and a little grey with Noah. It's always been a little heartbreaking and now it's time for her to move on. Now it's time for her to heal. Now it's time for her to start over in a whole new universe with new stars to look at and new skies to look up to. For the first time in a really long time, she's not trying to fight for Noah and for the first time in a really long time, she feels she's got nothing to lose. 
She paused in her thoughts as she lit another cigarette. As she holds the smoke in, allowing it to fill up her lungs, her thoughts went to the present reality of her life. She likes her reality the way it is right now. She likes how she doesn't hide who she really is anymore. She likes how she doesn't try too hard to make people stay with her because she finally likes her own company. She likes how goodbyes doesn't scare her anymore. She likes that she's not worried about what's going to happen next and she likes that she now has faith that the universe will always have something better in store for her. 
For the first time in a really long time, she's not scared. Maybe she's curious. Maybe she has a few things she'd like to understand but she's not scared anymore. She is content. And that didn't happen overnight. It took years of fears, insecurities, pain, conversing with God and questioning the universe, but here she is today and she feels she has learned the lessons she needed to learn. She is no longer chasing answers. She is no longer trying to fight her destiny or try to mould and shape it into the shapes she wants. She is making peace with her past. She's no longer trying to rewrite old memories. She's now learning how to live. To let things be. To let things fall into place instead of trying to rearrange them. For the first time in a really long time, she's not trying to prove anything to anyone. She just wants to live. 
Her deep thoughts we're interrupted by the vibration of her phone. She picked it up and saw a new message in her Messenger from Noah. Her hand trembled when she clicked on the message. 
It read.... "It's been a while. So this is for you. Not one of my best work but hey, you're still my muse. Listen to the songs carefully and feel and hear me."
The message ended with a kiss and a heart emoji. Attached to the message was a SoundCloud file, 1 hour 11 minutes 35 seconds in length. 
Her hand trembled harder when she clicked on the file as butterflies start swirling in her stomach.  
Here we go again..... Sigh.