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He clutches his heart as he lays in a river of his tears that had him shackled to his soul consuming fears. He had messed up again. His pace did not even make a step. His promises were just words; empty, made only to shut her up and to get her off his case. He had failed her yet again; ignited her fire then put off her flames. 

He had tested her patience, pushed her to the edge. His only hope is that she understands him and the way his heart aches and cracks, leaving open crevices, exposing the rusted gears. Yes, he disapoints and not just her but himself with the things he said he would do time and time again but can't seem to deliver. 

The words still echo in his head.... "Let me go on my own pace instead of pressuring me each day." 
He shivers as he remembers the day he uttered those words to her and the hurt in her voice when she responded to him. She hasn't once talked to him about it again. 

He feels darkness closing in on him, finding it hard to breathe. He shuts his eyes as tears flood him in a depression filled storm.  He could feel himself slipping further away into the unknown dark where there's nothing left except for his withered frame. His anxiety of being a failure is enough to drive more than just himself insane. 

"Don't give up on me and please be patient with me," he cried in despair with muted words only uttered in his heart. 

It paralyzes him to think that he may be losing her — her friendship, her patience, her trust, her love; all of which have been the fuel that had kept him from falling apart. 

"Forgive me for my weakness and all the things I fail to do," he whispered brokenly. He feels like he is broken into pieces within the already broke as into the chaotic mind of torture he floats. Floating into the further begging God to help him do better and to hang on so he's not swept away forever. 

"Please be patient with me. Just please don't give up like everyone else always has and lay me waste into the streets like trash," he whispered heartbreakingly. His heart bleeds from all the shards of glass that are piercing him inside. 

"I will do better. I will show you that you were not wrong to put your trust in me, not wrong to believe in me. Just please give me a chance to show you that I am a man of my word, that I can deliver, that I am the man you thought me to be. Please, I beg of you, please don't give up on me," he breathed his last cry as he lays slain in the ever pouring rain. 

"Please don't give up on me" .... Words that only he could hear. Words that he will never say to her. For he would rather hurt and disappoint her than swallow his pride.