Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

You can be with your friends, and still feel lonely. Lost is the right word for it.
Lost, you're right there in the moment, seeing everything that happens, but in your own little world, hurting.
He walked the streets everyday, looking down at the ground; minding his own business. He doesn't pay any attention to where he's going, nor who he bumps into. He walks into the street, doesn't care what happens to him. The light is green cars go, not noticing the boy until the moment they see a figure. Cars swerve out of the way, slam on the brakes, or not go. His depression turned into suicidal thoughts, he, as he would say, is a mess. A vault of confusion, The National Bank of Depression. He doesn't know what to do, he felt like an outcast. He sits alone at lunch and eats alone, his depression hit him like a truck.
He's home. Where most people think he's safe, but they're wrong about that. Home, his home, is the most dangerous of all. In his room, he has a blade, on his arm there's and X. He hides it from his family, both of them, doesn't want them to worry. He's on his phone, talking to his favorite person in the world, his girlfriend. Long distance but it works. They love each other favorite much, all is right but the boy keeps the pain of his depression a secret from her. That's the one person he doesn't want to worry.
Next day he looks at the sky, he's officially lost now. His eyes, use to be the color of the sky and wild like the ocean is now color of pollution, and calm like a medow, dead. He does it one more time before leaving. He texts his girlfriend once more before vanishing. He texts her: 
"I love you my baby, I really do. I want the best for you. Probably by the time you see this I'm long gone. You might ask, 'How come you never told me' my answer is, I never wanted you to know til I was gone. I never wanted you to hurt. I've been like this for awhile. A year before we got together. But I do love you, nothing will change that, even in my death, my absence, I'll always watch over you with the love and care you need. I pray that you will have a wonderful future baby girl, I love with all my heart and all the power I have as your guardian angel, I hope your kids will be as beautiful as you. I love you, bye baby."
The girl got the text, she cried, she attended his funeral. Saw one last time before he was buried. Affected for a long time, she never dated again, her heart still belonging to the boy, she adopted a child; renamed him after her boyfriend.
Life is new, life is old. Life is fake, life is real. No one can change the past nor predict the future, so no one can fix the present.