Category : Notes/work
Sub Category : N/A
By: Jeff stevens
I wrote this while trapped in the darkness of depression, on May 12th 2018,
If I could go back in time and change one thing today,Id, go back in time
And I would've never taken my first breath of life.you see there are many reasons why?
I am tired,my soul is broken,my heart is failing,
I tremble and shake,everything I see
Is beginning to fade.
People make lies up on me,that make me out to be a horrible person.they don't see the good I've done,or care about the pain I feel,or things I'm going through.ive lost it all, everything I've ever loved it's gone.
My children I never see no more,and my newborn baby girl,that no one cares enough to let me see,the only memories,and belongings I have,are the pictures from messinger,and a sleeper she wore,that her mother sent me.ive lost all will to live,I have no more strength to carry on,just today some one approached me a Cristian lady, that I've always thought was a very kind and loving person,and still do despite what she said. as I was dropping my two friends of after working all morning,she said to me,to stop coming around I've heard all about you,,.well that goes to show you how people around here love to ridicule and bring pain and missery into my life.
I try so hard each day as I wake to think of ways to get out of the pit I've fell in.my dreams and plans,always fade,I'm going blind I can't see,I can't think.and I can't breath,I just set and stare
And wonder why ?,why me? So as I go,I take with me the years of pain,the
years of heartakes,the
years of faded memories.
All that I've loved,all that
I've lost,all that I've gave,and all that I've taken,and maybe then,
all those People,that hated me so Much can finally rest there worrying minds,and they can move on knowing,that I'm not around.
If only people wouldn't judge someone from there past mistakes and poor choices,and see them,instead of seeing through them,the world would become a better place,no one deserves to be put down,made fun of,lied on, and judged,and for those that thrive and feed on other people's pain,God sees you,And when you lay your head down at night,remember the things you've suffered through in life,and the pain and hurt you have endured,cause there's nothing that hurts more,when everything you love and cherish has been lost and stripped away,because people have talked so bad about you.
So with all that being said,I'm sorry for all the bad I've done,I'm not perfect,I'm only human,I grew up way too fast,I fell into addiction,at an early age to sheild the pain I indured from being physically,and mentally abused.
And let me clarify that. this wasn't caused by my parents or other family members,I lived in silence,bottled it all up,I hung out with the misfit's,just to feel tough,and all that did was put me in the wrong places at the wrong times.
I've been to prison,did things I'm not proud of,and some of the things I went for I never done.
I have a heart,I have feelings,I bleed the same as everyone else does.ive just lived a harder life than most,so please have some dignity and take pride in who you are,and leave me alone,and just know that I forgive all those people that have ridiculed me.
And when you look in the mirror tonight,take a long hard look at yourself, because you know who you are.
look at your own life,evaluate it and see what you need to change,before you judge, someone else's life.......
Because you never know
You could cause someone to take there's..
