How To Keep Your Sanity During Narcisstic Abuse Read Count : 104

Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Motivation

What I’m about to write is, as usual, very forthcoming, honest & to-the-point.  I will not, and do not, sugar coat anything.  These are ideas, thoughts and attitudes that are very real and sometimes very raw.  The darker elements of human psychology is no laughing matter.  Mcuh of this stuff will not feel very good to read or to listen to.  This is not designed as a happy-go-lucky feel good topic.  Personally, from my experience of talking to people with mental health problems, social problems and drug addictions (as well as my own battle with anxiety/panic disorder), I got to experience first-hand how tortured and ravaged the human body and mind can get from trauma(s), abuse, deep depression, toxic shame and guilt.  Some of these things not many people get to witness, let alone experience first-hand.  Trauma(s) can and will try your sanity.  Stresses that are persistent, ongoing and terrifying can drain you of all life force.  It’s astounding how much punishment the human body can take.  Its amazing how the body can heal itself from cuts, burns, bruises and blunt force trauma.  However some wounds can cut very deep.  I am not even talking about physical wounds.  In a lot of aspects the physical damage that is done at the hands of your tormentors is not a fraction as bad as the mental anguish that is done to you.  It is done to you….and then you do it to yourself.  It may never end.  The torments done to you, will repeat as a cycle in your head.  This may drag you down in to a place where your perception of reality is tested.  I’ve been close to breaking point before.  Possessed by extreme rage and afterwards….the sadness, the hurt and the grief.  There are some things that happen to people in life that, in of itself, are about as much suffering the human body and mind can endure.  There are stories out there of abuse cases involving young children that would haunt you til the day you die.  The mental agony that we can subject ourselves to is indistinguishable from a hell on Earth.

If I tell someone who is vulnerable (either at a vulnerable age or stage in their life) that they are stupid, those words will filter into the other persons head.  If they are so inclined to be vulnerable or sensitive they will repeat to themselves ‘I am Stupid’.  Those words have nowhere else to go but circulate around in your head.  The subtle reminder of those words may rear its ugly head at the most inappropriate times.  These words have the power (especially to children) to influence their whole lives.  These words may bury themselves deep down into someones psyche & if left unchallenged they will wreak havoc.  What is said to us, we say it to ourselves.  We internalize the nasty words and believe them to be true.  If we don’t have the knowledge of critical thinking or challenging those words, we will forever repeat to ourselves ‘I am stupid’.  This may affect various aspects of your life, killing any sort of self-belief.

This is a very basic example and on the lighter end of abuse.  The abuse that some people can face in their jobs, by their family or by their partner can be much more malicious and insidious than this.  Some people may suffer this morning, noon and night.  Words like stupid are often only one of many.

“You are a bad person, I hate you”

“You are totally crazy”

“It’s all your fault”

“You made me do it”

“Everything you do is wrong”

“Why do you make me do these things”

These are outright forms of abuse that are systematic and have a slow-drip effect on your sanity, especially coming from someone who is close to you.  From my personal experience, I know all about these.  I do not have the most supportive family, to say the least.  I would somewhat consider myself a black sheep or a ‘weirdo’, which I am totally fine with, at this stage.  I love psychology, philosophy, classical music & anything that dreamers do.  I’m a creative soul and I probably sepnd too much time thinking and not enough time doing.  My family are the opposite to me, or at least that’s how I feel.  My heart is pulling me in a direction and I’m being told this direction is not a good direction to follow.  My world view is as such that I am very comfortable with who I am.  Our life is just a blip.  Its over in the blink of an eye.  Beyond the Earth there are trillions of stars and billions of miles of unexplored vastness and beauty.  There are stars and suns and black holes and planets to look at.  When I die, life will go on.  Life will go on for billions of years until the sun becomes a hypergiant.  The Sun will engulf the Earth and we will all burn up.  Every record of anything that we have done and who we are will have vanished.  Perhaps even a new universe will form when this one ceases to be, in about a googel years.  (This is 10 to the power of 100 by the way).  Anyones opinion of me now is so meaningless, It doesn’t even register with me.  However, I cant get too arrogant to discount this altogether.  Someone may have valid criticism of me.  What I am about to say is NOT a valid and constructive criticism

“You’re unlovable”.

This is NOT a valid criticism.  I’ve heard this one before a few times.  This is a false statement.  The world runs on love & caring for our fellow humans.  We would not be here had we not helped eachother.  By virtue of you being alive, you deserve love.  We all want to live.  We all want to live and get along.  Often when conflict arises, this says a lot about our frame of mind and our attitudes, as well as the other persons.

YOU CANNOT BE A VICTIM UNLESS YOU THINK OF YOURSELF AS SUCH.

Question everything.  You don’t have to invite the hurt in.  You can keep the door closed and your heart open.  Some things will and do hurt BUT do NOT subject yourself to more hurt than is nesscessary.  When I say that I mean, a lot of life is painful and people will suffer.  If you haven’t suffered yet, then you will….at some stage.

Flip the script in your head.

Who says I’m unlovable?  Is your word God?  Could the opposite be true? Maybe I am lovable.  Maybe I’m not stupid.  Who are you to me?  IS what they are saying a FACT?

Heres a tip to help you through life…

People will not say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they sometimes feel about themselves.  Someone who calls you ugly, sometimes they feel ugly too.

My advice is to

  1.  Be around people or a person who values your company
  2. Always ask yourself ‘could the opposite be true of what I’m being told’
  3.  Never internalize the abuse.  Nothing is FACT (except maybe gravity and death)….everything else is speculation and opinion.
  4. Get to know the real you.  The real you is not a bad person.  The real you wants comfort and love.  The real you wants to show love.
  5. Discomfort is normal, common and very natural.  Life for no one is perfect.

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