Category : Blogs

Sub Category : World

I don't really want to say this so I'm writing it. I'm sorry for making you read. It's just I'm too embarrassed to say this to you. Here are somethings that are trapped inside of me and have been for atleast 2 years. My mom and dad divorced when I was four. I mean I don't remeber my father so I mean it's okay I guess. My mom gets sick alot. It makes me worry when she does. I hate seeing her lying in the hispital bed smiling when I come in but only smiling so I can't see that she's hurting. When she's there I go with my grandma. Now that my mom doesn't get sick often my mom wants to act like my mom again and do all the things my grandma did while she wasn't there...that's when I started to feel like nobody loved me. I was just there to be fought over on who got me "oh I'm the prize who ever yells the most gets me."  And I can't stand being alone for just a little while because in just a couple hours I will hate myself. And sometimes it has led me to believe the ones I love will leave they'll never come back to me ans I'll die alone. When I'm alone I think about things too much. I think about regret, anger, ...and sadness. I think too much and I care too much about what people think. Like before I go to school I check if everything is okay. Like my clothes, hair, face. I often doubt myself and think badly of myself like my self esteem is really low. I often thinkI'm not pretty I'm ugly. I'm bad at drawing. I'm not a good friend. I'm not good enough.
I know I'm doing this but... I dont know why though. 
But I think I'm telling you this because I just want someone to talk to. But...most of all I just want to cry. All the time I want to cry. But I can't cause people are around me