Category : Stories

Sub Category : YoungAdult

Tiffany Falls.
I’m sorry, I’m not okay.

Well, I am alive. 
I’m not dead. 
Those cuts won’t kill me.
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My anxiety is hitting me back tonight.

After finished my dinner and small talked with my mom I went to my room, locked myself till morning come.

I turn on my computer. Choose some music to play on so my mind will keep calm and the demon won’t distract my head.

Sometimes it works. But mostly not.

I’m sweating a lot. Again.

Like always, I take my journal and a pen, trying to write something on the white paper. But I’m shivering. So, I stop trying.

I’m sitting on my bed, trying to breathe and calm myself. 

I need someone to talk. 

This time, right now. 

Right before I lose my sanity again. 

Right before I take a razor balde near me and do cutting again.

God, help me. I said to him.

And no answer.

So I take my phone in my bag and try to text someone. Few names popping out but the only name I really want to text with right now is a friend of mine at work, Mrs. Ing. She is a Chinese old lady which I adored her so much. For me she is like a mother that I’ve never had before. She is lovely, a caring person and showed me lot of love and affection than my own mother.

Mrs. Ing. I’m sorry, I’m sick. I’m depressed.

Then I press send button. 

I’m waiting for a couple minutes to get an answer.

Now it takes an hour and I feel numb all over my body.

After a few hours she replied.

Don’t think too much, Tiff. Don’t take everything too seriously. Let God take control of everything in your life. Look through Him. Let Him guide you through His way. You will have no worries and find peace.

I’m reading it again and again. 

I’m not replying her message instead I’m laying down with all numbness I’m feeling for. Suddenly my heart feel so good, peacefully fine. 

Is it a sign that I’m going to die? Or I’m just surrendering myself and get more comfortable with what Mrs. Ing has said to me through her message? 

I don’t know.
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