Category : Articles

Sub Category : Lifestyle

DISCLAIMER
As always this will be very direct, to the point and somewhat blunt, depending on how harshly you react to ideas and criticisms.
 
Back in, I believe it was 2016, I was at a nightclub in Dublin City.  Unbeknownst to me, it would be the last time I went there.  I felt like I was getting too old for this scene.  A lot of people around me and my friend were 18,19 and 20, a good 5-7 years younger.  I guess this was an ‘indie’ nightclub for all the ‘alternative’ people out there.  It was about halfway through the night and I was outside, in the smoking area.  I spoke to a guy a lot younger than me.  He had stated his age being 19.  I was 24 at the time.  We got chatting and I asked him about girls.  What girls he liked, what was his type and did he like chasing girls and going out on dates.  He shrugged and didn’t seem interested.  My reaction was one of complete fucking surprise.  I remember saying ‘how do you mean you don’t go after girls’?
Now, let me be clear.  He wasn’t gay.  He didn’t say he preferred boys, he didn’t act camp, he just kind of stared ahead.  I wasn’t even sure this guy wanted to talk to me.  I’m never sure about randomers.  I don’t want to bother them usually.  He came off as kind of ‘low’ or sad, without really getting into it.  I was shocked by his complete lack of enthusiasm for the cause.  At the time I didn’t think too much about it.
It’s nearly 3 years later & I get it.  See, those were the days when I was still hopeful that romance and romantic love existed.  I always said I would never give up on it.  Alas, this has happened.  If I could have seen my future and lack of interest in sex and dating and romance back in 2016, I might have been fucking floored.  I’m living that exact reality now and have been for some time.
I don’t think whatever person I’ve morphed into over the years, likes people.  It’s true I can be social when I need to be.  Yet, there are so few people I feel comfortable and relaxed around.  I just don’t like the predominant culture that’s alive in 2018.  I feel as if we all have our own ‘tribe’ and we’re at war with one another over different political, social and cultural issues.  Humanity is really confused now.  There is no main goal we are all working towards.  We’re all split up into our own groupings and others not part of the group is looked at with suspicion, contempt and distrust.  I don’t feel like we’re united.
I digress.   This is more my own feelings on turning my back on romantic love, sex, dating & most people, apart from a few close relationships I chose to keep.
I am emotional.  I feel emotions very easily and deeply.  This is not to say I’m a blubbering wreck or a crying mess.  I have a good handle on my emotions but it’s hard for me not to show them.  I do not have a good poker face. I’m readable, even when I think I’m not being so.
There is something about society that I think is sick.  We think it’s all fine though because we’re so used to it.  It’s a fakeness & a lack of true authenticity that scares me.  It’s this phoney reality we’ve created through social media.  We WANT others to like us so bad. We want approval and to be told we’re amazing so bad.  It’s pathetic stuff.  It’s influenced and given Narcissism a place to live and breed. 
Basically, I don’t feel like people are kind or down to earth anymore.  I don’t have the constant distraction of TV, Netflix, Instagram, Facebook and tons of friends to keep me in a state of unawareness.  If all my friends do one thing, I will soon come to see it as the ‘normal’ thing to do.  I’m mostly a loner and I love this. I would despise being part of a group.  I love being on my own and doing things on my own.  I have no place in a hierarchy because I don’t want to fit in anywhere.
As people in 2018, we are OBSESSED with power.  The power to believe we are ‘influential’.  The power of being adored, the power of being loved or even hated.  This thirst and craving for power have made us mentally ill.  Yet, because we see everyone as doing the same things, we don’t really think we’re mentally ill.  We think, then, we are part of the in-group.
I feel like my soul is battered and torn up and beyond saving.  The closest thing I feel to happiness now is being on my own, in nature. When I say, ‘in nature’, I mean up the mountains or by the sea or in a forest.
Dating, sex and romantic love isn’t in my world now and hasn’t been for a while.  I MIGHT look back at this one day and think ‘wow, I was a freak’.  For now, however, this feels right 
I don’t hate girls at all.  The complete opposite, in fact.  I feel indifferent to them.  I feel like dating is a losing game.  It’s a game where I get to lose my time and energy and get NOTHING in return.  To me, a lot of women just are not interesting or insightful or fun to be around.  I feel a lot of them are like energy vampires, sucking on your time (which is precious to a man) and not giving anything back.  Maybe you’ll get laid, but who cares? Sex is overrated and only good in the moments before you cum.  As soon as I cum, I want to be alone.  I don’t think I was ever made for a relationship, a long term one anyway.  I have a desperate need to escape about 6 months into it.  Which now is totally fine and it’s a relief that I’m single as all my time and energy goes to me and the people I chose to have around.
The amount of nonsense and bullshit I’ve put up with before, just to get sex, was incredible.
Ladies, you just aren’t that interesting.  Maybe to other girls you are interesting, but not to me.  MOST, but not all, girls I just about tolerate.  I think I’ve met and dated 2 girls in my life who I thought ‘WOW, this girl is seriously fucking smart and I love hearing her talk and what she has to say’.  I’m not saying I put up intellectual posts on Facebook at all, but I see the posts girls put up on Instagram and Facebook – drivel.  Mind numbing drivel. Either it’s a selfie with a ton of filters on it, an event they’re going to or some ‘philosophical’ quote they like in that moment.  They just don’t do anything for me anymore.  It’s even a scary time to date women with the number of allegations of sexual harassment and rape there is out there.  I’d be afraid I’d put one move wrong or she would take a disliking to me and accuse me of something.  I’d rather not be in the firing line.
The risks of heartbreak, being cheated on, pregnancy, STDs & false allegations is just to high for me to care about women right now.  If I did meet a woman who I thought was amazing, of course I would try and get something going.  I’m not holding my breath though.  I think when you check out of dating and relationships the best thing is to go your own way and do the things that make you happy and devote energy to people who are most authentic and who love you