Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

Depression & anxiety has always been quite a struggle for me. I'm not sharing this online for ''attention,'' ''sympathy'' or anything. It's just that speaking to people face to face isn't really something that works for me. It's like a cat's got my tongue because I suddenly can't speak or properly describe what's wrong when I'm talking to someone. I love my family dearly, but it's as if I'm being too difficult for them to understand me. I'll admit that I've had suicidal thoughts in the past  & I still ponder my own death every now & then. However, I can't imagine taking my own life. I don't ''have it in me'' to hurt myself like that much less anyone else & for that, I'm glad. When I think about dying, I imagine it as a beautiful thing where I find peace. I imagine dying as a way of stopping the sad thoughts & mood swings. But I realize death is actually bittersweet. Taking my life wouldn't stop my pain, it would just pass it on to my family. No matter what pain we may go through, death isn't the answer. The reasons why we feel pain & go through struggles is to help us grow, teach us life lessons & help us become stronger. I don't want to die, I just want to get away from my thoughts & life sometimes & go far, far away to a beautiful quiet place.  I write about how I feel because as I said before,  speaking about my thoughts, emotions & fears doesn't really get me anywhere. I often feel ashamed of my mental illness, as if I'm a burden to the ones I love & as if I'm making my life & theirs stressful for no reason & over exaggerating. The questions ''what's wrong with me?'' and ''do I really need medication?'' circle round & round in my head daily. There are people who don't have a home, a family to run to or a bed to rest their head at night, so I feel rather foolish & ungrateful for complaining about the minor struggles in my life. Yes, my anxiety is terrible & my thoughts are saddening, but I have so much to be thankful for, so I don't mean to cry ''woe is me,'' as if my life is downright terrible or some kind of tragedy. It wouldn't be a good or healthy idea to ignore these feelings I'm having & keep them in the dark. So that's why I share them in my poetry to turn it all into art.

Standing Still, by Natasha Moran (ReneeRose🌹)