Category : Scripts

Sub Category : Tv

Dear facebook couples, I want you to close your eyes for a minute. Are your eyes closed? Close your eyes, unless, of course if your blind, for the purpose of this exercise it doesn't matter if your eyes are open or closed. I want you to picture a room, a room full of people got it? Now take all of those people out of the room and thats many people care about your relationship on Facebook. I know that sounds mean. And that's not to say I'm not happy for you, I mean that's genuinely awesome. Out of what? 7 billion people in the world you were able to find that one person that makes you happy, makes you cry, occasionally touches your genitals. But no one else wants to see that. So I see these people on Facebook, who i know are a couple, write back and forth between eachother's wall, "Miss you baby", "Thinking about you", "Love you", what are you doing? Send them a text, give them a phone call, don't share it with everyone. Shsh shut, shsh shut the hell, shshut, shut the hell up. Because the people I'm friends with on Facebook are people i don't talk to and will never talk to again. Like people i went to high school with. So that's me like getting invited to parties (Jk i....never get invited to parties) Thats like someone being invited to a party, going up to a stranger and being like, "How's it going man? I miss my girlfriend." Who does that, that's weird! And don't get me started on those indirect statuses. Like people would go out of their way to use 10 words in a song to describe their relationship they're in. So their statuses would be, "Love my boyfriend", "Having issues with my boyfriend ", "Wish i could trust you", I may be different, i may be weird, i get that but I feel those relationships should be private. Because if I were to reenact those statuses, it'll be like me goig to Downtown New York City and being like, "Hey everybody listen to me! I'm in a relationship, I'm in relationships with someone that touches my genitals. It's great. I really like the person, but we're having a bit of trouble i have trust issues." And maybe that might be extreme. But I'm just an extreme kind of guy I guess.... I tried to make that sound sexual and I failed miserably. But you know those couples whose all sense of individuality, as soon as they're in a relationship. They have names and you combine them together so they're statuses are like, "Shopping with my boyfriend","At the movies with my boyfriend", "Kissing with my boyfriend...and my dad". Its funny when I talk to someone on Facebook and I'm like, "Are you okay, whats wrong?" "I don't wanna talk about it. I'll put it on Facebook, but I don't wanna talk about it." If you're in a relationship, you talk about it with your best friend, or a dog because even a dog cares more about your relationship on Facebook than I do, and dogs don't even speak, or listen. Yes they do that was a lie. So all I'm saying is, I'm happy you're in a relationship. I'm really, really, happy. But shut up. Please. 

I hope you guys enjoyed this monologue. Tell me how you felt in the comments. If you have a friend whose on Facebook and is in a relationship share this with them.