Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

In a family of six with me being the oldest I tend to want a lot of time to myself. In that time it really gets me thinking about my life and where I’ll be in the future. It’s sad that I hid me in my bedroom so as not to be bothered by my siblings or my parents. I think my biggest fear in life is not amounting to anything or being labeled as a failure. I’ve had this fear for as long as I can remember and it just gets stronger as time goes by. My Dad has been a Correctiosn Officer for almost 21 years now and he is the most successful out of all of his brothers. He has been to college multiple times for HVAC, Wielding technician, criminal justice/Criminal Law, and CDL school. My Dad is also a neat freak he needs everything to be clean and put where it belongs. I’ve always tried to do the best I can to impress him and to get the best grades. I help out around the house when he asks me too. Over the years though I’ve grown fearful that I’m not going to succeed in life. I’m scared that if I fail he won’t be proud of me. He keeps reminding me that I’m still a kid and that I can play with my siblings. He also tells me I’m 15 and I’ll be 18 in three years whenever I complain about cleaning the house. He tells me I need to uphold responsibilities as the oldest. My Dad has told me numerous times that I’m smart and he can’t wait to see what I’m capable of in the future. That scares me though how can he believe in me son much to the point I’m scared he’ll be dissapointed if I fail. I’ve honestly never tried to get over my fear as my Dad isn’t much of a person for personal talks.