Category : Notes/Work

Sub Category : N/A

A journey to discover the real meaning of life. Written by a friend.
Status		June 13, 2018 cucatweet
Life, he realize, was much like a song. In the beginning there is mystery, in the end there is confirmation, but it’s in the middle where all the emotion resides to make the whole thing worthwhile.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song
She was mistaken, her journey to find and restore her health wasn’t her final step. Fighting everything and everyone seeking the truth that holds the key to understand what everyone was asking. She didn’t have an answer in fact she have the same questions. In search of this it was cleared she would have to destroy the images, bring down what everyone thought about her, her family and friends.
Now, she has been in this journey for over 6 years, completely torn, only the pen, writing, her sister, cousins and saying I’m ok. Boy that’s is painful, she can’t find a way out except to keep going, letting anyone think whatever they want. She would say do you really want to know? I’m barely understand this path all I know is that’s lonely, painful but that’s the price I have to pay to see it all clear. Would you like to know.? Careful that means destroying what you think of me, of my mother and those in my journey.
For me, that’s not a surprise. Her mother knew everything about this. That’s the main character in this plot she turned the pain, the waiting into a novel. Whats it all about? You would always have an answer you’re more wiser than all of us, you can see clearly the heart of another person, you have a gift and you will say what’s on your mind. Oh she did and when the time is right she will break her silence and hold on. That is not a surprise for those in her life, actually we fear her words but we know it was the truth and looking at those brown eyes trying not to hurt you, you take it all.
I know because I’ve been there. And it was me to asked her for a song in a hotel in Miami, the same day of the concert. I was depending on her. She was in pain, angry and a sad looking lost girl. I knew that state of mind would turned into writing. So I asked her what she wrote? She turned to me, looking me seriously with those eyes, in silence, turning to look at the bay. I knew that’s her place, she always asked for a room with a view either water or the balcony.
The truth is that early that day I call her ask her for lunch or coffee. We had the luxury of time. I’ll meet her at the hotel that morning and I’ve waited. So I sit and played the piano. There she was going for her coffee, she’s the most wonderful person to look, beautiful, smiling to everyone that looks her in her eyes, in jeans a white shirt and her signature Clarks clogs. She’s sexy, beautiful, she walks into a room and everyone turns to look at her, she has something about her I don’t know how to describe her or how proud I was and still am to go and take her arm. What’s insane is she just doesn’t know the impact she has on others . It’s like ok, thank you let’s move on.
She’s the one to say let me catch a break and I’ll call you. We know she’s the worst at returning phone calls. We don’t care because she is the best thing you have in your life is like a permanent guest in your life. She would check in but never leaves you. That’s why I love her dearly. So getting back at that time, she walks to the desk, handed me a paper and told me you know it’s the drums, the beat, go ahead and do the best you can. I can’t help you today, I had so far a bad day.
I looked at the paper, with musician eyes, desperately seeking for a good song for tonight. My lucky star, the best writer, songwriter and friend I know was at the same place and time I needed her help. That’s so selfish of me and I’m embarrassed to say.
She knew that as soon as she looked at me. I knew it was okay she didn’t tell me but I knew. I told her, the concert is tonight, we have guest, they will sing this. I promised to do my best, without her, you’re presence. Just get better and you will have a car waiting for you in case you changed your mind. I was hoping she would come with me. After all it was her words and I knew it was going to be a hard thing knowing that she’s tired, hurt, lost, frustrated and in pain. I’m lucky to have her. I can’t let her down besides all in the band loves her and would cut me if I knew I was letting her down.
I was expecting a love song. I called the guys and we sit. I explained to them, it was meant to have a beat, that meant I didn’t have to play the piano. That’s something I wanted to do as soon as I saw the words. So we changed things a bit, decided to go against her wishes because it wasn’t a love song. It was an apology a request of some sort to all the people who lied to her. Specially her mother who she adores, her best friend, her angel, a guiding light and the one who inspired her travels, her love for sports, as long as she wasn’t getting a rush out of it, she knew her daughter well.
The passing of our fathers was difficult for both of us. We are from different countries and we met at the beach. There was a party for surfers only. She was camping with her friends. Calling them out if she didn’t like that. If was her friend to have the final word but she knew at least she said something. I was at the party with her friend. But had to go to the gig. So we went inside and that’s how we met. We talked that night about life, death and the need for answers. No she wasn’t with me. Let’s get that clear.
Her mother knew her too much I think. As a lover, a best friend, her unrealistic expectations of honesty, her love to travel and to go to places a tourist won’t go. She’s breathing, taking it all in, that is how she understand this world. Don’t dare to ask her. You wouldn’t understand. That’s being the trouble with people in her past. The need to change her into something else. I’m pretty cool she said to me one day, I like being me, this journey have changed me for the better, I’m open to love and be loved, I know someone’s out there and can understand me. I don’t know him or even where he is, if I need to see others points of view, but with love, patience I’ll be happy. I don’t have an issue with that. I have seen enough, I have been to hell and back. That’s when her eyes gets cloudy , her voice gets lower and you know it’s been hard on her but she kept going. She’s awesome, intelligent beyond words with a romantic poetic weird side to her that is beautiful to see her comfortable with her life with who she is. Lucky bastard the one.
She never talks about anything of this journey. I know the places, the playlist her friends made for her. I know about the fuck this shit, she’s like a storm, let her explode and she will be back with grace, laughing, a coffee and you knew how lucky you were and still are. You just can’t see that and not be laughing. One day we cry together and she went for her phone, put music on and with two beers started to sing, dance and laughed. Impossible to be mad at her. She’s pure love, kind, loving, passionate honest women to came to be this way finding her own way, looking for answers, searching for words to understand what she’s doing this for.
That’s the point of me writing this today. I think she thought this journey was about her getting healthy. She had to look deep inside her soul, look straight at life at God, saying I’m not going down. I’m a fighter, a daughter, a sister who I adored, a friend and nobody is going to tell me when I’m going to die or how. I have things to do, places to go and people to meet. Besides I haven’t found what I’m looking for: my love, the one, my soulmate the father of my children. And by this time I figured I’m already a stepmother. Go figure that.
That’s my journey, being healthy to be the lucky star, the shining light for the one. That’s it, my journey is to find my home and to be happy. To find my way home. Because home is where my heart is. If I’m lucky I would understand all this pain, time wasted, money spent, friends leaving, lovers walking out because it was too much. Funny how things work out. If I’m loving too much you don’t deserve me or my time. I don’t know how you can love less? That’s so weird and beyond me. I’m tired of loving, believing in people good faith, seeing the betrayal the lies at me and the ones I loved.
Watching the pain, seeking for the real thing. She said, it’s outside somewhere or am I’m not seeing clearly? Why the pain, the lies, the waiting? That’s not the love I seek and believe is out there. I know my heart would find him, because I don’t understand this road but I’m sure my soul, my heart will see him before I do. I have to believe that or what’s the meaning of my life, what’s the point of caring and fighting for your loved ones or fighting my life?
That’s her, my friend, my poet, the one person in the world I would call before my family. She always has answer it might not come as you thought but that’s her. Living life in her own terms, viewing life differently to you and me. Quietly looking and observing all around her. But she’s there. Everywhere. You just have to pull her out of this shell. Maybe today is the day. I don’t know, people born in this month are complex, romantic, fighting, searching for the truth and fighting to the end. Weird, seriously and cautious about who wants to know her, don’t bring too much shit, she would tell you. She will figure you out before you do.
Why I’m writing this today. Because she speaks about the moon a lot. Her first poem was titled ” Shooting star” that’s way back. And because of that, I watched the sky, the stars with my children and wife. Yes, I’m very happy and she has a lot to do with that. Her romantic vision of life, despite seeing the very worst of people, it takes a lot from her to come back to the real life. She understood my travels, the lonely it gets, how to keep going because that’s my passion and when I found a love she would understand and love me despite that. She used to tell me, look at the sky, the stars and write what you’re feeling. People won’t care if it’s sad, happy, angry or it just doesn’t make any sense. Forget about it they would think you’re high on something, fuck them. Write from your heart. It will be okay in the end. Trust yourself and never let anyone to bring you down.
I guess that’s it. I’m glad to see the woman she’s become. I’m proud of her. I’ve learned to not question her about some topics, she doesn’t speak about what she’s not fully understand. We might take that as lying, hiding something and the more we push her the more we lose her. So I’ve learned to be happy with that and I know when she gets the answer she will tell me. That’s a lesson I’ve been applying to my life. I’m an absent husband, father, son and friend. Because we both loose the most important people in our life’s so young we don’t have all the answers and that’s fine. I get her. She gets me. I found love despite not knowing a lot of things, not having them with me, guiding me, watching me, being proud and lucky I’ve found my lucky star. I found a bunch of people that I get to call them my best friends , a wife, the mother of my children and success.
So Cuca thanks for giving me the space to do this. We talked about it over the years, you said I can do it. So I’m glad to do it now. I hear it’s a special night. I’m glad you’re my friend and my lucky star. Like you say, Let’s do this.
You’re friend D.