Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I step on the scale and see the numbers rise.  But they do not rise enough.  108 is not enough, not for 5'7".  I will need to work out, but in order to work out, you need to have energy.  Stepping off the scale I am so aware of my brittle bones, my sharp edges, my narrow shape.
I look in the mirror and feel guilty.  Being skinny should be a good thing, there are people who are treated worse for being overweight.  There are people who want to be thin, no, who want to be normal, but can't.  Maybe if I put more effort into thus things will change. I trace my collarbone with my fingers.  I stare at my ribs, pushing out through my skin.  I don't want this body. 
I wear a baggy sweater.  I do not like the stares I get when I don't, the teachers watching me at lunch to be sure that I am eating.  I would rather be overlooked than worried over.
Yes, I am healthy.  I have enough nutrients and enough food and enough of everything except muscle and fat.  Yes, I am trying to change.  But it is so, so hard.