Category : Blogs

Sub Category : LifeStyle

Every night, i lay in bed and talk to myself. I talk about the way my life is. I talk about why it's so crappy. I know it's weird to talk to yourself, but it's hard not to when you havr no one else to talk to about life problems. Tonight I talked about something different, i talked about being alone. How my brother is leaving, and I won't see him for a long time. You see I moved, starting 7th grade at a new school. Last time this happend it was almost the same, no one was there to help me through the rough spots. Only thing different about this time is, my older brother is staying at our old school in an other state, to finish his senior year, then he's moving out as soon as he graduates, why? Becuase he hates his family, or so he says so all the time. And this time I have a younger sister, who is starting 2nd grade, the same grade I started in when I moved for the first time. When I was her age, my older brother was the age I am now. I keep thinking, "what if I'm not there for her? What if she ends up with anger issues lile me? What if she gets treated the way I do? What if I'm not/can't be there for her?" Other things I've been thinking about is, "Why can't I have a normal life, with a normal family? Where siblings help and care for each other? Where sibling don't just leave you to stay up late crying becuase you get bullied? Where siblings don't just leave you to feel worthless?"
I keep asking myself, "what would it be like If I was pretty? Like all girls are supposed to be?" Or so people say girls are supposed to be pretty, i think, "Why can't I have a life where I'm not treated like this?" 
Now... I don't mean to out all this negativity on the app, i just need to say how I feel, for some stupid reason I feel more comfortable telling a bunch of strangers my feelings, but not my family. So I guess that's why I'm doing this, I'm too afraid to tell someone that knows me. I don't know why, but i do know that i needed to let it out.