Category : Stories

Sub Category : Comedy

The Bunty Mac wasn't too impressed with the tar and cement of London when we first landed. Ah jaysus Nicky Feery eira bit of grass in London had a sign on it, KEEP OFF THE GRASS I loved walking the green fields of Longford in me bare feet upon the grand green grass.
He didn't stop giving out about the tar and cement till I brought him to Soho and when he saw all the sex shops, I had a hoor of a job getting him out of that place. He couldn't believe there were places you could go and pay cash for the woman to get her kit off with you. Ah jaysus Nicky Feery your some hoor to bring me to a place like this, I feel like Alice in Wonderland.
A very prosperous man was the Bunty Mac and he soon warmed to the tar and cement, and forgot the green grass of the Longford fields. They were no mugs the Longford boys, the only one's who could make mugs out of them lads, was themselves, sure the Bunty Mac was a direct descendant of the McLowry boys who shot up the wild west. They all hailed from Longford Town and the only men to stop them was legendary Wyat Earp and Doc Holliday at the gunfight of the OK Coral. You don't get better breeding than that the Bunty would say.
         If he wasn't cleaning up at the poker table, he be cleaning up with work. He called me one day to help lay a patio. She's a real rich awl wan and I've charged her a small fortune to do the job, so she sits at the window watching that I do it right. Now Bunty I want lines put down and a professional job done, ah don't be fretting missus it will be grand.
The Bunty Mac had lines going in all directions and doing nothing, they just bamboozled the awl wan now smiling out the window, sure the Bunty Mac never laid a patio in his life before. Nobody cared, so longs he knew how to keep the awl wan smiling that's what counted.
Anyways after drawing the small fortune for the dodgy patio, we went on the beer and got mouldy drunk. We decided to head for Mullingar and the craic of home, so off we staggered to Euston station to get the boat train to Hollyhead, it was a great yoke at the time, the boat train, sure why bother flying when you could drink the whole night on the journey over.
We were so drunk we recall nothing till we came too in the bar of the ferry at 4am, the Bunty looked at me saying, ah jaysus Nicky Feery something is not right here. Sure we only got caught up with a rake of Irish rugby fans in Euston station, we were so mouldy drunk and followed them only finding ourselves in the bar of the wrong ferry, the one bringing all the Rugby fans to France for the rugby, instead of bringing us to Ireland.
      Ah sure with no passport to our name as soon as we landed in Calais they dumped us on the return ferry, so we got to drink our way back. It took us seven days and nights to drink our ways back to Mullingar.
You see we blacked out again on the ferry back to Dover, sure we remember nothing till we came too on the ferry to Dublin, ah jaysus the relief to come too on the right ferry.
We met two grand sisters going back to Dublin, sure they side tracked us for a few days, we even met the mammy & daddy. I think we had beard's by the time we reached Mullingar and nobody recognized us till we opened our mouths.
As the Bunty Mac said, the awl wans patio went a long way as we spent a month in Mullingar, and every time our eyes opened, so did our mouths and a bottle went into it.