Category : Blogs

Sub Category : LifeStyle

Since reaching the age of maturity, I have noticed that my need for friends has dwindled. This may sound sad or depressing to some, but as I grow older, my tolerance level for others has dipped, almost to the point where I prefer my own company rather than put up with the peccadillo of others. Call me anti-social or aloof; whatever label you want to put on, it doesn't really matter because I know what I want and what makes me feel good. 
Maybe this is what people mean by mid-life crisis - crisis in the sense that you begin to question and review what you took for granted before, or the status quo. You begin to put your likes first, and what makes you feel good ahead of what's expected of you, and you don't quite care what others think. 
Mind you, this hasn't always been the case. I was an extremely social being in my teens, twenties and early thirties. I had to go out and meet as many people as possible, for if I didn't, I felt like I was missing out somewhat. I made it a point to attend parties, cocktails, social events and gatherings, meeting and greeting all and sundry. It didn't matter if the people I met merely became acquaintances. Quantity triumphed over quality for I judged myself by how many people I knew rather than the depth of feelings I had for them. The more "friends" I had, the merrier I became, as if my existence was deemed a success by the number of my so-called friends. 
We all want to know other people and go out to make friends for all sorts of reasons. Our aim of getting to know someone varies according to our motives and agendas. In today's world, it's called networking. This is based on work and business. For example, a salesman needs to know as many people as possible to sell his wares. A businessman needs to know government officials and bankers to facilitate his deals so they go smoothly. I was in Starbucks at one time when I overheard a woman talking on the phone with her spouse. She was telling him why she was spending so much time with this person she had just met. "We're getting along like a house on fire," she said. "Jane is not just going to be my new BFF, she's also a great facilitator for my job."
That struck me like a bolt of lightning. Maybe I was still naive, but I always thought you make the effort to strike up a friendship with people because you liked them, you had things in common with them, or there was some unique chemistry between the two of you. I would never want to become friends with someone because I could use her, or she would be "a great facilitator" for my job. 
Over the years, I have managed to develop deeper friendships. These friends became what you would call "best friends" or "close friends". We got along more than well, we hit it off and trusted each other implicitly. But what happens when you get to know someone really well? You also discover their warts and faults. Some, were insignificant enough to ignore and brush off. But when something happens which jeopardises the trust you assumed you had with your best friend, the inevitable happens - you fall out. 
A chain email which has been circulating on the internet sums it up pretty well - "Friends come into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Those who come for a season come to deliver a message and once that message has been delivered, they leave us. Those friends who come for a reason come to teach us something and once they have imparted the lesson, they also leave, for whatever reason. It is those who come into our lives for a lifetime that we should treasure."
How true is that? I don't think anyone can say they have kept all their friends throughout their life. Some friends move to another city or country and because of sheer physical distance, we lose touch with them. Nothing dramatic or unpleasant has occurred. It's just the natural course of things and the busyness of life catching up with us. Sometimes, it's more emotional and hurtful - your friend offends you in some way, crosses a line, or betrays you in ways you cannot accept. The friendship is compromised and, depending on how much forgiveness you can afford, more often than not, the friendship ends. 
Over the years, I have had my share of friends letting me down or breaching my trust. Some I have forgiven, others not. Whatever it is, the feelings we had for each other after that weren't quite the same anymore and slowly, we drifted apart. Of course, I have been both the victim and perpetrator in this sense. I am not perfect and have also been the cause of a breakdown in a friendship. "C'est la vie," I tell myself. This one happened for a very good reason. 
A friend of mine about my age summed it up in a more blunt manner. She said, "I've come to a stage in my life where - and this may sound awful - I couldn't give a fuck if I made another friend or don't. What with my three kids, job and husband, I really don't have time to keep up with friendships."
Someone else once told me she was not willing to invest her time and energy in people who she knew were not going to be around for long. This also opened my eyes to how others saw friendships. Friends as an investment...? Again, that's one spin I had never thought of before. 
In conclusion, people may come and go throughout your journey in life. But if you're lucky enough to find a friend you treasure, and who treasures you, then that's the winning ticket you guard with your life.