Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

 I dare to ask the question, of all we experience, which of our emotions is the worst? And even in this silence I hear fear, anger, and sorrow. To me though, the worst of what we feel is happiness. We do not miss sorrow when it passes. Nor long for our anger to return. We do not beg for our bodies to shake as we our gripped in soul-wrenching fear once more.
 Happiness however,... When it passes, our hearts break, our worlds shatter and our view of life itself is tainted. Happiness is an addiction none can kick. Rather when it leaves us, we must wait in our agony for it to return to us.
 Emotions are but fleeting and I fail to see how people can embrace happiness so joyously when it shall abandon when needed most.
 I live for the suffering and fear the happiness for it is the nectar in the mouth of a fly trap. It is the suffering which protects me, the sorrow which saves me and the horrors which make me stringer.
 I cry out, "let the storms rage, Father. Take all that I have and leave me burning amidst the ashes of what I knew." For in the flames, the world shall be divided, some shall feel abandoned and cry out in question, "why have you abandoned me Father? What have I done?"
 As the blows rain down upon you while you are already defeated you shall see only God's cruelty, as if your life were none but a joke. Then when the flames perish and the pelting stops you will fall into the depths and drown, for all is lost.
 Yet, others would feel the flames of the blacksmith burning away the impurities which hinder us. They shall feel the blows of God's mighty hammer crushing away their weaknesses. And the sorrow that comes as they leave behind what they were I those flames and emerge as something new and so much more than they were.
 I am one of those, my Father has me and in that I trust.