Category : Diary/Journal
Sub Category : N/A
“I love you!” “I wanna be with you forever.” “You are my soul mate.” These are all the things you say to me on a daily basis, these are all the things it took me so long to finally start believing but actually did because you showed it in more ways than one. At least I thought you had.
It seems to me your saying these things to someone else as well. It seems to me you still wanna live that hook up life. It seems to me I don’t make you happy like you said.
It took me a while to say it, because it took me a while to feel it. I’m a hardened person with a wall that’s not very easily conquered. I pride myself in not showing feelings.
All it took was one message. One picture to start out with. I saw it, I saw you send it. We discussed how it made me feel for you to send that picture to someone else. I thought you understood.
3 nights I see another message. One from a number that isn’t programmed into your phone. All it said was “oh hot” but it made me wonder.
I wondered if the story you told me 3 nights ago was true. I wondered if the connections we felt while making love were actually connections or just...moments of pleasure.
I wondered if I’d ever be able to trust you. I wondered if being with me was really what you wanted.
For the first time in a long time my heart broke. I could literally feel it chipping away as I continued to wonder.
A tear formed but I fought it back because I swore I’d never cry over a man. I swore a long time ago I’d never be hurt again.
I was wrong. In that moment I knew there is no happy ending. There is no winning life is hard and painful. Tears shed, hearts break.
I had opened myself to you in the last 5 months than I ever did with any other relationship. I had trusted you would never hurt me. I guess I was wrong. We had our issues, god did we have our issues. I thought they had made us stronger but I guess they pushed us out further.
I honestly can say that I love you and my heart is broken.
I can honestly say I’ll miss you.
