Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

Everyday is a constant reminder of the mistakes I’ve made, trying to hold it all together but I’m falling apart and drifting away. Everyday is a struggle I face with this chaotic madness I find myself in, yet I still won’t let anyone in. I cry on the bathroom floor, I can slowly feel myself start to fade away while everyone knocks on the door asking if I’m ok, am I ok? That’s a question that surges through my mind all day, is everything just a figment of my imagination or am I really falling apart, as I type these words down trying to understand any of this at all, trying to figure myself out but I’m starting to crumble and fall. I don’t want to continue to feel this way, should I end it now or seek to keep improving myself. I keep thinking of the people who love and care about me, but do they really? Because sometimes they have funny ways of showing it to me. 
   I’m slowly losing myself again, in this chaotic madness of life and let me tell you my friend; I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. To go through this cycle is dreadfully painful. To look in the mirror and see no one worth anything at all, to crumble at the sound of “you’re beautiful” when you know the truth deep down. To see your reflection in the mirror everyday until you start to see yourself slowly fading away. To love someone even when you can’t love yourself most days, it’s frustrating but you still try to show them they matter everyday even when you can’t do that for yourself, you do that because you wouldn’t want anyone to go through what you do, so you tell him how amazing and appreciated he is to you. 
   My life is in shambles, it’s a chaotic mess but at the end of each day, I smile because I once again conquered what I felt was impossible. I got through another dreadful day despite the feeling of wanting to die, I got through my anxiety and depression on moment at a time. Tomorrow will probably be the same, or maybe just maybe god has another plan.