Category : Books-Non-Fiction

Sub Category : Biography

Story 5

"Desperado"

Ana had only two Ringgit (Malaysian currency)  left in her purse, which was just enough for her to pay the highway toll on her way home. She felt wretched. Her head throbbed. "Where am I going to get some money to feed my kids tonight?" This question kept repeating in her head as she walked towards her office carpark. 

It was 6pm and the corridor leading to the carpark was empty. Usually, office colleagues would be leaving for home at this time and she was bound to see someone. But that evening, she was all alone at the corridor. She was glad of that. She was glad no one was around to witness the worried look on her face and the tears in her eyes. 

Ana was totally fixated in her thoughts. She was thinking of how she could feed her three kids when she only had enough money in her purse to get her home but her pantry was bare. She was feeling anxious and distraught when suddenly out of nowhere, a red piece of paper flew over her head near the outer wall of the office surau (prayer room)  and landed right at her feet. She bent down to have a closer look. It was a ten ringgit note. Speechless, she picked it up and held it with shaky fingers. She looked around her to see if anyone was there, thinking that perhaps someone had accidentally dropped it. But she couldn't see anyone. She was clearly alone at the corridor. She held the money close to her heart and whispered a silent thanks. In her heart and mind, she could only put it down to The Almighty helping her at that very moment when she needed it so badly. He must have heard her quiet pleas, her prayers and understood her worry and He decided to lift her burden. 

Never in her life had Ana imagined she would be in a situation where she had no money. And for the first time, she was surprised at how far a ten ringgit note could stretch. With it, she was able to buy two kilos of rice, a small can of sardines, five eggs and some vegetables where she managed to prepare quite a decent dinner for her family that night. Her kids and her husband were relieved that there was any dinner at all. She had done her part yet again. But she knew it wasn't all her doing. Divine help had come when she needed it most. 

However, Ana could not bring herself to tell her husband how she found the ten ringgit note that evening. She knew her husband wouldn't have been able to take it without beating himself up and breaking down. Ana decided to keep the story to herself. She had to spare him from becoming even more depressed. 

Her husband's business had gone bust. Whatever savings he had were gone during the 1997/98 Asian financial crisis. Triggered in July 1997, it had come as a terrible shock. The economy of many countries, including Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia and the Philippines had entered a state of free-fall. International stock markets hit a record low. Many companies closed down. Workers lost their jobs and families lost their breadwinners, including Ana's. 

Ana's husband had left a well-paying job in 1996 to start a business with a friend. The business went well in the beginning until those ill-fated months in late 1997. With the economy down, some clients cancelled orders while others failed to pay. Future business was nil. Many business people were caught in the gloomy market. The business that her husband and his partner started couldn't sustain itself. It toppled even before it could run. Their money had literally gone down the drain. They had to do everything in their power to settle their debts and meet all their commitments. It was also during this time that they heard tragic stories of people committing suicide and once-successful businessmen ditching their expensive suits to sell food by the roadside. 

Ana's husband went into a state of depression. He would stay for hours in their bedroom, refusing to go out. He would lie down on their long couch in a dark corner of their bedroom. All he did was sleep, brood, eat and watch TV. Ana tried to talk to him but he was unresponsive and would stay silent. He refused to see anyone or seek outside help. He also hardly talked to their kids and the kids steered clear from him. Ana did her best to soothe him and encourage him to get a job, any job, using his contacts. She told him that even if he were to sell nasi lemak (rice cooked in coconut milk served with sambal, egg, fried peanuts and anchovies, and cucumber), she would be happy. She was even willing to help him if it comes down to that but he refused to budge. He was paranoid, afraid of the possibility of another failure. He just couldn't pull himself out of his dark pit. 

Ana's only consolation was that she had a stable job with a fairly good income. But then, they were at the stage of their lives where their commitments were high. There were housing loans, car loans, credit card bills and an endless list of other bills to pay. It wasn't a problem for them to settle all those bills every month when they had a double income. She and her husband would pool their money, settle their monthly commitments and would still have some to spare. Trouble loomed when their double income was reduced to one. Their financial troubles worsened because of her husband's business debts. In the end, he was left with nothing. 

The burden of sustaining the family then fell solely on Ana's shoulders. After paying all their monthly bills, she virtually had no money left. Eventually, she was forced to withdraw all her savings, even her kids' savings in order to survive. Month in, month out, Ana felt desperate. Her husband was no help. He had gone into his own dark world and was lost in it. Nothing she did could pull him out of his black hole. 

Having been financially independent up until now, Ana found it hard to borrow money. To her, it was shameful. Only when she was left with two ringgit in her purse that day, and having spent the ten ringgit that she found to feed her family, only then did she think about borrowing money. The next day, swallowing her pride, she borrowed some money from her sister. That move had helped her meet her family's basic necessities in the months ahead. 

Their gloomy days stretched on for nearly five months. Tension in their house was running high. Their children, all teenagers, were restless. Her eldest son was going to sit for his Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM)  examinations in a few months time. He was constantly edgy and resented his father for refusing to get out of his rut. Ana had no choice but to be the pillar of strength for her family. She continued to coax her husband to do something to get some income but instead of responding positively, he gave all sorts of excuses; the bad economy being one of them. Stress and tension escalated between Ana and her husband and they would quarrel sometimes, which only worsened the situation. The hardest for her was when he retreated further into himself. He was like a turtle hiding his head in his shell, shutting out the world. 

Things came to the boil one weekend. The children wanted to go to the neighbourhood store to buy some snacks. Having been cooped up all day in the house, Ana said she would go with them. Her husband shouted from the room upstairs telling the kids not to leave the house. Usually, Ana would ask them to listen to their father, but that day she didn't. She told her husband that the kids were restless and she would take them out just for a short while. Her husband didn't respond. 

When Ana and the kids returned from the shop, her husband shouted for the kids to come up and see him. Appalled, Ana rushed upstairs ahead of them. She was afraid her husband would beat the children for defying him earlier. Words poured from Ana's mouth. She told him not to beat their kids. Still, he came out of the room in anger. Ana tried to stop him, using her body to block him from going out of the room. In a split second, she felt a punch land on her face. Her glasses flew off her face. Her legs went limp like an undercooked jelly. Ana fell to the floor. In her dizziness, she heard a commotion downstairs, a loud thud. Then she heard little voices of cries. Her daughters had run out of the house in tears. 

Mustering all her strength, Ana stood up and found her son standing next to her. She put her head on his shoulder and cried. She felt a stinging pain on the bridge of her nose. She touched her nose and noticed there was blood. Her husband stood still, like a tree rooted to the floor. He looked dazed. Slowly he sat down and sobbed. Ana held on to her son as they walked downstairs to look for her daughters. Regardless of the circumstances, a mother would always put her children first. That is the natural law of being a mother. Downstairs, Ana saw broken pieces of glass on the floor of their lounge. Driven by his anger and frustration with what was happening in the house, her son had thrown a computer screen on the floor, thus the thud she had heard earlier. 

Calling her children together, Ana told them to stay put, to keep calm and be strong. Still, Ana and the kids could not help but cry. She felt a deep hurt in her heart. It was the first time that her husband had hit her. 

After pacifying her kids, Ana knew she had to face up to her husband. Entering the room quietly, she saw her husband lying on the couch. His eyes were red from crying. She gingerly sat down next to him. She knew they needed to have a talk and she felt this was the right time for them to do so. They talked, a very long talk. He began to open up little by little. He apologised profusely to her. Even though she was deeply hurt by his actions, Ana accepted her husband's apology. 

The heated episode turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Ana told her husband that in order to mend their broken home, he need to also talk to their children and apologise to them. He didn't argue with her for he knew that she was right. And so, he called all of them to the room, this time gently. He hugged each one of their kids and told them how sorry he was. He held Ana tightly too, and promised that he would change. 

Although a bluish spot had appeared just below Ana's left eye, she didn't think it was anything serious. But her husband insisted on taking her to the hospital. A scan revealed a small tear in the tiny blood vessels near her nose. The doctor told them it was not serious and would heal in time. Yet, this didn't make her husband feel any better. He was engulfed by his own guilt. 

After the hospital visit, her husband could not bring himself to face her. He was very quiet in the car. Going past a train station on their way home, he suddenly stopped the car. He unbuckled his seatbelt and told her to drive home on her own. Before Ana could protest, he got out of the car and started walking towards the station. He looked back for a moment at her and told her to give him some time to be alone. Ana got out of the car and headed in his direction, in time to see him board the train. 

That journey turned out to be his turning point. Her husband came home later that night with a different look on his face. Ana saw a hint of determination in his eyes. 

A few weeks later, her husband told her he had landed himself a job. Ana hugged him. She was relieved. It didn't matter to her that he had to start at the bottom, at a level lower than what he was accustomed to when he was employed before starting his own business. Having a job and an income during difficult times was a blessing. 

Ana and her husband learnt a hard lesson from that dark period in their lives. The Almighty had tested them - from granting them a comfortable life to one that saw them ruined financially. Ana is thankful that they came out well in the end. Her scar had long healed and she has forgiven her husband. Their children have also become much stronger. And for that, Ana is grateful.