Category : Stories

Sub Category : Drama

So officially, l was dead inside. I had no hope in figuring out what the fuck to do. As I sat in my room staring at the walls that were full of inspiring quotes i felt like the most useless person. For a minute I thought he was my purpose but eventually in a instinct he became the reason I wanted to die..
    Yes I admit saying this out loud well typing it felt strange..but evidently it was true after everything he can't even acknowledge that i'm alive and supposedly his friend .. Which at this point we were the furthest from friends. To me all I was to him is someone to use until I had nothing left. I took some well 50% of the blame ...I was a bitch but in my head he deserved it. He say's he cares well let me keep it brief. He dated me out of pity because his mom asked him to. I found out.  Then cheated on my with my sister. I broke up with him and we made out more when we weren't dating which was confusing. He moved on to the next while I was their broken hearted for believing all his bs that he wanted me. Then he dated girls with each break up I was a rebound. Which again I take responsibility I thought any part of him was better then no part of him. Which it wasn't he was using me but maybe he thought I was using him for the same things. I loved him with everthing but god did I want to hate him but he was perfect in my eyes. After every break up he came back to me. Then there was this girl the big firework of him. Like can be pretty but blow the house up. He lost his virginity to her I could and still can't look at him the same way I did before. He had slept with the biggest hoe around and got his heart broken. In some way he was ruined, destroyed, scard which I wanted no part of but we dated again. I was a dumbass needless to say but deep down I wanted him. I knew he was a liar, always had been one but mabey he changed I thought with the slightest hope I was hanging on to. I was wrong. He was to busy talking bout her and wanting somthing to bang and since I wasn't giving it up quickly enough. He eventually needed someone new who he got. I got tired of him going on and on about how she destroyed and used him when he didnt relize he did the same to me. Left me after he used me all up and on to the next. How could he be so heartless. I was a bitch thats all he saw now and thats because he took me for granted. I would buy him choclates, video games, and stupidly care about him with everything and do nothing but love him. Forget all the shit like people telling me him and some chick had done stuff. Was he really that desperate she was taken and over 21 which I know age does not matter but he was 14 I mean come on. I had no clue what was going threw his head and i dont want to know the number of girls he had fucked. Because to me even after all that I still knew who he was or at least saw him in the light. I thought eathier he was a cold, heartless, sex obsessed, breakhearting asshole or he was this kind lost soul with some amazing thing inside him that he wont let out because he was scared. I wanted to be right because my version of him was better then a self absorbed sex fene that did not give any shits about how he terated people. Who would lie until he made it believebly that he was right.  I use to see him as a good guy which at this point I had no idea which was true. I still see him as the cute nice soul waiting to be heard which inside I knew was wrong. At this point lets face it he was eathier lying bout nothing or everything. He was not being a friend but neathier was I. I had tried and I am a great friend. I had stoped trying because he put no effort into are friendship. Freindship works both ways as so I thought 50/50 right. The definition of friendship is someone who has  your Back. Someone who is a true friend stands up for you. When others try to hurt you emotionally or physically, they do everything they can to make sure you stay safe. They don't care who is trying to harm you; they will defend you anytime, anywhere. He and I were not that. Needless to say I was lost. He says I want to be friends….for real ...and then never and I mean never anwsers one of my god damn text or hangsout with me or trys coming to see me that is the definition of someone who does not give a shit if you live or die. Evidently this kind of thing would not bother me but he was the guy I had hoplessly falling in love with and once i dug that hole and tried to clime out of it I made it deeper so I tried what anyone would do baried my self alive and that is the only idea left. I had to hate him but how can I hate someone who I care about so much I did not know but I was determind ..to find a way to not love him anymore.