Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

The brush moved across the page. The curve of its bold mark circling forwards and back. Like magic - images appeared. 
It was somehow beautiful though inexact. I was startled by that. My life and experience displayed. The page bloomed with so many vibrant colors. 
A chaos of moments unstructured and yet, seemingly planned. Turning leaves with the gentleness of a lover. 
Mom was green in the garden with her plants, Dad under the car with grease on his hands. The Brush moved, and images appeared. 
So little joy, and so much pain. I looked to the future, upon the blankness ahead. And was seized by an immediate concern. 
All I desire, everything I have hoped, all of it filled my head. It was a fire in me, and it burned. 
I seized the brush and began my own stroke. The original Artist didn’t interfere. My hand shook slightly with everything I wrote. 
But I wanted it my way simple and clear. I didn’t trust my not knowing. And I hated my lack of control and the fear.
I said to myself, I got this. Eventually I got the job I’ve always dreamed of. I even found a girl and we kissed. I colored the world in the way that I wanted. I colored in everything that for so long I had missed. I left nothing out of it. 
I spent time painting the world with my smiles. I poured out my heart without restraint. I covered the moments like the passage of miles. All of them were mine to remain. 
But in the end it wasn’t the same. Somewhere I lost faith in the One over me. I lost trust in His perfect way. I should have continued to believe. But, I lost my job and the girl on the same day.
The picture I had imagined blew away like leaves. I became an actor on an empty stage. And I found myself once again. On my knees. 
After everything I have been through you would think that it would be easy for me to just let go of the reins and let God have His way in my life, but I still find it hard to let go and trust Him. Logically I know that He is in control and His plan is so much better than anything I could ever come up with, but my impatience, my pride and my ego got involved in the mix and I take off. 
Well, I surrender. Now, where the weight of yet another obvious wreck I have made of my life, I have decided to let go of it all. 
Looking over the tapestry of my life, I may not be able to see how the image fits, it may not make any sense to me, but I have decided to just - let it flow.