Category : Books-Fiction

Sub Category : Comedy

Author: ... I just had this idea off my head, so I HAD to pen it down.
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“So... this might be a sensitive topic but,” Asher said slowly, leaning forward over the table, “how exactly did your dog die? How did the great Pickles pass away?”

“Oh, it’s really tragic,” Melissa dipped her head to the far right, such that shadows obscured most of her face. 

Asher gulped, but pressed on, “I am just a little curious,” he saw the forlorn look on Melissa’s face, then stopped, “it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it though, he just died.”

“Oh never mind, you might’ve found out eventually,” Melissa dramatically sighed and faced him with a serious expression that she hardly wore, “Now let me tell you the events that led up to Pickles’ death...”

That morning, Melissa was walking Pickles down the street as per usual. Just then, she could hear the sound of something approaching from the sky. Shocked, she released her grip on the leash, and looked up, to see a car sized meteorite heading towards the dog. Screaming, she ran to protect Pickles, and the meteorite landed, sending shockwaves that even pushed her back and trembled the ground under her, sending chills down her spine. Crying, she ran towards where she last saw her dog. 

When she got there, she could see Pickles rolled over next to the meteorite, and wagging its tail happily, just inches away from the impact. In relief, Melissa ran towards Pickles. 

However, Pickles then stood up and ran across the road, in front of an oncoming large truck carrying petroleum, that was larger than a bus. The driver appeared to be falling over the wheel and the truck was dead set on colliding with the defenseless dog. With her heart throbbing as fast as a train, Melissa dashed towards the dog, and it disappeared under the truck.

Suddenly, the truck screeched to a halt, as the driver exited because the saw the dog at the last minute, and went to check on it. Surprisingly, the dog passed under the truck unharmed. The driver apologized and petted the dog and promised never to drive while making a phone call, before leaving. 

Heaving a sigh of relief, Melissa went towards her dog when a bunch of black cars pulled over and the most infamous mafia syndicate in town stepped out from the cars, over 40 people, with the mafia boss. Afraid, Melissa hid behind a fire hydrant as the boss took Pickles away in his car while the other bulky and muscular members talked about a ‘kidnapping’. Frothing with rage, she went home to search for where the mafia boss stayed and infiltrated the mansion.

However, Melissa got in easily as there was no security guards stationed there. When she got in, she saw a strange sight- the mafia boss had placed Pickles on a throne of sorts, and bending down to pat him while all the members acted like butlers for this one dog. 

“Do you prefer premium quality beef, or extra-juicy steak, your Highness?” One large man wearing a tuxedo walked up and bowed down, low such that his head nearly touched the floor. His face was full of compliance for Pickles. 

“Don’t you have anything better for His Majesty?” The boss snapped, “His Majesty made me realize the meaning of life! I should have never turned to a life of crime! 
Yes, your Majesty?” The boss’ face was filled with admiration for the fluffy dog. The dog barked once, startling all the people in the room, and thought hard about what deep meaning lie behind that very bark.

“Yes! I should quit being a mafia boss, and become a volunteer to pay for my sins!” The mafia boss suddenly exclaimed. All at once, the other members also began to cheer.

“I’ll be a volunteer too!”
“Let’s start an organization to save the world from sickness and despair!”
“I have to call up my parents and cat to tell them I love them!” 

The group began chanting Pickles’ name as the dog got drowsy and fell asleep. 

That night, Pickles passed away in his sleep, from old age.

“Wait a minute! You could’ve just told me that he died from old age!” Asher stood up angrily, “and why did you lie about the meteorite and the truck-“

“Well, I told you that I’ll talk about the events leading to Pickles’ death, and all of those are true,” Melissa explained, “and it was a really grand funeral, way more people turned up than I thought, my grade school teacher, the town council, an Olympian, a popular band, the President-“

“Why didn’t I hear about this funeral?” Asher yelled, unconvinced. 

“‘Cause they called him by his real name; Lord Pickki Lester II, Pickles is the short form,” Melissa said.

“Wait, THAT funeral is for your pet dog?”

“No, it’s for LORD Pickles,” Ethel appeared and said seriously. 

Asher could not help but ask, 
“Just what is that dog?”