Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

May 25th 2018, I made probably one of the worst mistakes I'll ever make in my life. 
   When you're a drunk there's one rule you absolutely have to follow. Don't hurt anyone else but you. I broke that rule Friday night, hanging out with my friends getting a little too drunk. Well to be specific everyone else wasn't Drunk off their mind but me. Normally I can handle drink after drink chugging or shots anything really. But this time it didn't go well drinking outside in the heat never a good idea. I tried to hold myself back taking my last drink whenever everything went black. It's a strange thing having everything you knew turned upside down. No I didn't handle my alcohol that night, and yes I ruined everything. If I just had gotten blackout drunk and died it would've been better than what happened. Apparently in my drunk state I molested and hurt my friends without even knowing it. The pain I must've inflected on them just stas my heart everyday. I'm never a mean drunk always fun an flirty, never capable of lifting a finger to anyone. Meaning the strange fact I did scares me of why that happened. Next thing I remember was getting picked up by a police officer an put in an abundance, screaming "I want to die" all the way to the hospital. The fact I cannot drink anymore for a while, and cannot be trusted, plus on the watch for suicide, and eating doesn't matter much too me. The one thing that does matter is I lost two friends after that night nor can anything I say fix it only time can tell. So desperate to get them back but still knowing the reality that the chances of them coming back to give me one more chance is slim and even more slim whenever I cannot even speak to them. Pains in my chest consume me everynight whenever I try to sleep. Losing people hasn't ever been something I ever did handle well especially when it really was all my fault. Didn't think I could make a mistake like this or the fact a year of friendship could be destoryed so quickly. But what's worse is that I haven't ever made a mistake before always did everything I could for them. This took a perfect record and turned the image of me in their minds into a scary, mean, molester. It just hurts so much I wish I could've said goodbye.