Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

The anxiety is starting to build in me like a dark sky forcast with storm bearing shadows. Its too quite in this room. Baracated in by these walls, Im stuck laying in the corner of it. Trapped in my thoughts. I close my eyes and pretend im elsewhere. Somewhere open with water nearby. But I hear no birds. I know Im still in here alone. I want to cry. No. I want to scream. Then cry. And beat a pillow with my clenched fist until the down bursts out of its seems. I try not to think about what time it is. Time was a necissary boundry not to long ago. One that ive let slip away lately. I didnt mean to let go of it. I didnt want it to leave me. It kept me safe and now everything feels recklace. I dont get much sleep anymore. Its never been easy for me to fall into it alone. Right now this bed is so cold and i crave my lovers warm arms around me. If i try really hard i can almost feel the comfort of his body laying there beside me. I can almost feel his skin against mine. Almost. But its not real. I know that. I can fantisize all night about it and it still wont be real.