Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Friday, May 25 of 2018
10:30 pm, Manila, PH

It has been three days already and my emotions are still on a roller coaster ride.
It is so hard to comprehend.
I think I am going crazy.
One moment I am fine, next moment I am not 
My mood changes in a snap without warning.
Yesterday, I was looking for someone to talk with.
Today, I decided to detach from everybody and be alone completely.
I want to disappear like a bubble and pop out like a mushroom somewhere else.
I don't want people to look for me.
I want them to forget that I ever existed so they won't cry when I'm gone.
(At least, I am thinking they'd cry.)
I want to be erased from their memories so I'd have a reason to understand why they don't remember me.
I just cannot live with this world's hypocrisy of remembering you when you're finally gone.
That is just so stupid.
Back to disappearing, I want to be gone without a trace like I was never really here ('cause that how it feels even now).
But that is impossible, at least few people would notice that a shadow went missing.
Ha, the reality of this world is absurd.
We cannot do everything that we want. We have to suck it all up.
But, man, how many times in my life did I ever do what I really want?
Surely, lesser than a blue moon.
Ugh! I just want to go where I know no one and start a new life.
Maybe, I'd live deep in the mountains -- no electricity, no internet, no gadgets.
Yeah, I am capable living that way.
Provided, I can eat, drink coffee, write, dream, and be alone with a pair of cat and dog.
Now, you probably noticed that I talk more of what I want to happen over what happened.
Also, you realized, this is not a poem.
Haha. Well, I am still a poet.
Do I need to prove that?
I can do that, but right now I am already done with proving myself to people.
Living according to people's approval is a form of suicide.
It is a very slow and tormenting form of suicide.
Every time you try to fit in, you kill the real you.
You'd only realize when you're soul is finally bedridden.
One day, you'd wake up wondering, "Wait. Who am I again?"
Are you the one they say you are?
Or are you the one you've been trying to suppress deep inside?
That's for you to answer 
One thing I have learnt, a person's value is not determined by how much of it is appreciated by people.
I don't know how it is determined, but people's approval is not the measure.
Hmm. I guess that is all for today. See you tomorrow?

Yours truly,

HANDWRITTEN (SulatKamay)