Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I'm trying really hard to concentrate on his words. To work out what to say, when to say it, how to say it. 

I look at his face. 
Am I making too much eye contact or too little? 
And what does that facial expression mean? 
Inside I feel like I'm choking and I'm not sure why.

I just don't know what to say. My mind is blank. So, I just nod and smile. Yeah, pathetic, I know.

Talking suddenly becomes hard for me. Jumbled speech. Tangled thoughts. A disarray of mess. 

My body feels restless. So hard to sit still and not fidget. Again, I try to focus. 
But the silence of the night is so distracting and the moonlight is too glaring. 

My train of thought derailed by this anxious analysis.... this interrupting narrative that keeps switching tracks, like a CD changing gears in the player and jumping from one track to another. A real blunder.

He may think that I don't care. But I do. I am just unsure how to respond. Being that close to him, I suddenly found it hard to verbally express my thoughts and feelings. 

How does he see me? 
What is he thinking? 

One thing's for certain, what he sees on the outside is definitely not a reliable representation of my internal dialogue. 

But he wouldn't know that, would he?