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400 days of no sex. 400 days of no dating. Today is 400 days. Yes, I have been counting.

The ego (self image - who you think you are) constructs itself around your circumstances and how you feel about them AND your thoughts. Whatever thoughts you think, so you will be aswell.

The ego has to die, to progress. For maturity and the master of ones own life, the ego has to die and be re-built. How different are you now to 5 years ago? Your ego is dying and being re-built.

7 years ago my ego was built and sex/porn/girls. Literally, I had no other goals. To seek out sex/women/porn was ALL i thought about. Thus, it was what I identified as - a whore or a player.

When I met my ex in 2014/2015...my ego was then built around HER. What she thought of me and how much I loved her and she loved me. When that ended, I had an 'ego death' i wasn't ready for.

Not only did I feel abondoned and alone, I felt like it was time for a part of me to die. The 'old' ways that were sinister and unhealthy...not to mention toxic for any woman who got involved with me.

I'm 26 and I guess I'm still trying to find myself or find a new ego. Something to gravitate towards and put my focus into. Exercise & Writing are huge for me. Not dating and not sleeping with anyone is painful sometimes...I feel like that whole sexual world is calling me back sometimes. Yet, I know if i went back there I would feel wrong. 

I have to secure myself down, raise my self-esteem and continue to work on my passion.

Dating is hard now. It can get very discouraging with the amount of rejection out there. Yet, my self worth is not based on how attractive I am to women...and THAT is the real crux of why I'm celibate and not dating. I Need to feel contentment in myself first.