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Empowerment

I think in life, it’s very easy to identify as a victim of circumstances and direct actions or speech taken, seemingly, against oneself.  I will break my theory down into three separate parts and cover them one by one.
1.       Developing a high level of EQ (Emotional Quotient/Emotional Intelligence).
2.       Expanding your own vocabulary by reading more & talking more.
3.       Developing a high level of self-awareness to your own thoughts.
 
1.       Developing a high level of EQ or EI
I think most of us are familiar with the notion of IQ testing, but how many of us know about Emotional Intelligence.  Emotional intelligence can be with regards to your own feelings or the feelings of other people.  For example, a person who has a high level of emotional intelligence and self-awareness can easily identify how one is feeling at any given moment.  A lot of us, especially when we’re younger, let’s say seven to thirteen years old, do not have a good grasp of our emotions and how we feel.  I, personally, am a huge believer in speaking more about mental health issues, ESPECIALLY in secondary schools.  Identifying how you’re feeling authentically can significantly improve someone’s own chances for success throughout these stressful years.  I’m not asking people to mature faster than nature intended them to, but what I would love to see is more time being given to mental health and emotional resources in schools.  The ambiguity of not knowing how you’re feeling but just feeling ‘off’ can be scary and disarming.
We give a lot of weight to depression claims, yet for many young people there is an underlying emotion there that is unresolved.  These unresolved emotions usually take the form of anger, apathy or a great sadness.  Not having a clear grasp on how you’re feeling can leave you feeling lost in a great ocean.
How do I improve my EQ? 
Simple.  You can improve your EQ by relaxing more and being slightly more tuned into how you’re feeling.  Only you know how you’re feeling at any given moment.  I find today, we are constantly busy, consistently using distractions and never giving ourselves silence, solitude & calmness.  There are so many distractions out there now, much more so then when I was a child and teenager.  It’s like we almost never have to confront our own feelings because we’re always so distracted.  Take a few moments to unwind, alone, and ask yourself ‘how do I feel?’.  A lot of our experiences I this world are registered at a very emotional level.  There are mental blockages happening all the time to people, which if unresolved, lead to depression, anxiety, de-personalization & various mood disorders.
Realize, especially for young guys, that it’s very human and normal to cry.  It’s no secret that underneath a lot of anger & frustration are hurt feelings, sadness and regret.  If you are a parent, which I am not, it might be a good idea to, instead of quizzing or interrogating your child, to subtly drop the words ‘how do you feel?’ into conversation.  It’s my opinion that we spend too much time telling our children what to do and what they need as opposed to asking them and listening.
Don’t underestimate the power of expressing your feelings.  I am quite certain that, for most of us, there are still old wounds that need healing.  It is our job to express them, while all the time being aware of the feeling.  If you go to therapy, feelings are talked about quite a bit.  One cannot simply ignore feelings.  They are with you wherever you go and by running away from them or not acknowledging your demons, this can and WILL lead to depression, anxiety & even suicide.  Many of us, when we were younger, acted on impulse.  There was little consideration given to our feelings at the time and we lashed out in anger, using violence to release our own tension & hurt feelings.  Remember, no emotion is wrong.  Every emotion is valid.  It is what we do with those feelings that really does count.
I know, from my life, that when I was a teenager I acted on impulse so many times.  Often this would lead to escalating situations and violence would usually be the outcome. If only I had used a technique to calm my mind, register how I’m feeling and decide on what to do about it.
N.B.* I’m not going to say there is NEVER a cause for violence.  Self-defence is practical Knowledge that everyone should know.  Only in self-defence is violence justified.
 
2.       Reading more & getting a better grasp of the English language
 
How do we express ourselves in life?  Through words.  The extent of our vocabulary, is the extent of our own self-awareness.  Often in life, I have found myself stuck for words.  Especially in my younger days, I wished I could express something that I felt but, I lacked a good grasp of the language that I could use to describe what I felt.  Building on using emotive language will only serve you.  I recognized, at a young age, that it was the people with the best grasp of the English language and were the most fluent and articulate that evaded being victims the most.  It was the people who were quiet, subdued and passive who were picked on and emotionally & physically tortured by others.  Building on expanding your vocabulary will only serve you here.
This can link in with my first point.  How can we get in touch with our feelings, if we don’t have the language to express it?  When we feel we can’t express through words, frustration ensues.  The trick here is to read more.  Listening to the radio, talking to more adults & writing are all very useful tools to get the most from your language.  Having the solid foundation of a good vocabulary is essential to, not only your school life, but to life outside school as well.
With a more solid grasp of language, you can more quickly and easily identify how you feel and the process of expressing will be so much simpler.  You will find that, in life, those of us who can articulate easily and have a high EQ are most sought after and looked up to. 
WARNING: I’m not saying you must turn into a scholar or beat your brain up by reading the most difficult literature.  I am saying that everyday make it your business to expand your vocabulary.  There are so many helpful apps on smartphones that will challenge what you know about your own language.
Over time, these new words will enter your subconscious and they will become part of your daily life.  With a solid grasp of the English language and a high EQ, you are nearly on your way to becoming a warrior.  However, there is one more step here.
 
3.       Becoming aware of thoughts (Subconscious & conscious)
 
This one can be the most challenging, which is why I have left it till last.  We think thoughts every day.  We think thoughts every second of every day.  Some of these thoughts register clearly in your mind.  USUALLY the thoughts that register closest to you are the functional thoughts.  These thoughts include brushing your teeth, making breakfast & picking up your phone.  These thoughts are closest to you and quite easy to spot and listen to.  The thoughts I am most concerned about are the thoughts that are further back from you.  These thoughts are not like the first kind.  These are thoughts that are like a flashlight that only shines for a millisecond.  These thoughts are the one’s that govern our whole mentality and attitudes.
Personally, I am very in-tune with my thoughts always.  Even I can only faintly hear sub-conscious thoughts at any given time.  Anxiety is created and maintained by the sub-conscious.  Your SC thoughts are like a faint whisper, while the functional thoughts are like a loud yell.  It takes a fair bit of training to pay attention to the thoughts that pop up into your mind, seemingly out of nowhere.  These, however, are not out of nowhere.  Our brain makes connections between everything it sees and hears and feels, every microsecond.  Let me give you an example:
Sarah has a phobia of spiders.  Sarah recognizes her phobia of spiders & admits she is openly terrified of spiders.  Spiders are on her mind a lot of the time.  She believes spiders are everywhere and will cause her great harm, if they get close enough to her.  She itches every time she thinks of a spider.  Sarah is walking to school one day and she spots a leaf on the ground.  The way the leaf is shaped, reminds her of a spider.  Her subconscious will faintly whisper SPIDER, to her.  She now feels like something is wrong and has a reaction to the leaf she thought was a spider.  It was her subconscious that saw the ‘spider’ before her eyes did.  As she has a great phobia of spiders, things that are seen multiple times a day will remind her of spiders.  Her subconscious is always checking and making sure she is safe from any spiders.
You see, how powerful the subconscious mind is here.  Through talking and through working on your EQ, we can remove subconscious blockages that would otherwise, if left unchecked, would increase our own fears.
We need awareness of our own thoughts.  We need to listen to ourselves thinking.  Anyone would be fascinated by how much we think and what exactly our thoughts are, if we just payed more attention to them.  This requires calmness & a quiet place to just observe and listen to what pops into your head.  This can give you a wonderful insight into who you are.
 
If you employ these three things into your life, you will be ready for anything that life throws at you.