Comments

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  Thomas Hunter

  Okay, so i took the time to read your stuff and i have a few thoughts to help you along. first and foremost you have a vivid and beautiful imagination. Never let go of it. I invision you as a peppy and bright young girl with a head full of strange and mystical creatures. you seem to have an ability to place yourself and therefore the reader into the mind of any creature and that is a valuable skill. what i dont like. I dont like unfinished stories and stumps. you have alot of them and it makes reading your stories difficult and emotionally frustrating. a short story needs many of the same things that other fiction needs to work. first you need believable and slightly more than ordinary characters. you painted a stunning character in 'Avikar'. Your main character (MC) was depicted beautifully. she had strong emotions, she was passionate. i bought into her story hard and was eager for more, that never came. it was disappointing to say the least. once you have characters there must be a journey. the journey should be about changing something that is the norm. could be to change your parents mind about desert or change the course of history. The idea there is that there is something thst is deemed unsatisfactory and through grit and determination or being dragged by the ear the MC must seek to make that change happen. finally there must be a hurdle. something that stands in the way of story progression thst poses a challenge that must be overcome. this could be physical like stairs or emotional like self doubt. how your MC overcomes these obstacles or doesnt overcome them will speak volumes about your character. sometimes when an obstacle is overcome the story carries on as if nothing happened, other times it changes direction and causes a rethink. finally a story must have an ending. people may argue with me about this but IMHO there is only two. the first is the final conclusion. in this ending the story truely ends. all loose ends are tied and there is nothing left to do but return to normal lives. Lord of the rings did this, do this if you want to close out a story you no longer intend to write. the next is the Cliffhanger. these are FUN! this ending happens at critical moments, even at hurdles. these are meant to keep the reader salivating for the next part. keep them hungry and they will come back. 'Finally free of the treacherous narrows the ship launches into the open ocean. the crew sighs a collected breath of realief. As the ship crests the first large wave of the open ocean a loud crack rips through the air' you totally want to read more right? what cracked? did the mast break? the hull? did a storm sneak up behind them? anyways you will figure it out. What I like. You have a passion for writing. it shows. So keep writing. you do well in fantasy so stick to it. the message you need to hear. You are unique and special. Your writing CLEARLY proves this. So stop doubting yourself and more importantly do not rely on my, or others praise to write. Write and let the world see your writing the praise will come, at least so long as you finish your works. i dont think you need a new story i think you need to finish Akivar. Add me as a friend and we will chat if you want and I will definately help with anything you need.

  Apr 25, 2018