Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I Am a woman who just in her mid 20s survive depression from aggervated connection with a man-i take that back- he is not man of God. Hes a child of God, a 20 sumthn little boy.

For the record,i was conversating and build our potential together through the channeling seasons of his tantrum for almost 5 years. I put up with him and develop strong emotions. I couldnt help it cause it grow over time and he been such a nice young person.still, the constant argruement and him leave in outs  argue and not discuss all the solutions...is your fault.."

I told like it is and he studies blame me for my actions. Ridiculous! 
I spoke my truth that im struggle trust   some man and ima just pick up pieces of what left in my life. Iam the only caring about my happiness while nearby friends says bad thing about u and show their relationship problems in my face.

"Mi Amigos, Me no Doc Phil. Me nos. (My Friend, i am not Doctor Phil. I am.)

"I am not a licensed therapist,i am your neighborhly associate give you my wisdom."

The truth is that they not there for me all time. 

.."wherre they you ask?"
- At Home and talk to each other on phone.

I say to them "Where were you all on the day that my bestfriend treat me poor? Were you when i walk off of University after fight with my roommate?"

"Oh Arrell, you was not even in a relationship with him?"

"A....Relationship..." i repeat their respond in my head and then the bit of bitternes spikes me "What in the Blackness off my friend little Azz have to do with anythn?!

I wanted to know why did not they back me away. Why nobody come looking for me?! I could been dead,raped and missing. None of them came. Not the boy,not female bestfriend yet they let him and roommate kiss in make believe bond and stood there watch me fight.

"Yall call yourself Grown....!"

"Yall think that your true friend..."

"I dont think so.."

I took jolt and plan,organize us all be close. They didnt act as if they really wont be involved as much as me. They dont like same thing as me. They complain about how i feel towards him. 

In fact so, they shown their true color as well..its bad enough, one of yall think i should toss away feelings for two friends. She seems to want me b3 miserable.  The boy wants me be in the wrong.

It aint neva be guns point at me during Russian Roulette. They got it wrong. Ima the one been there for all. Hes been there to guide me through college on sour note. He changed after ppl mess with him but i wasnt one of them. He study hurt me anyways.

At every bloom moon, he uncomfortable andnot his sign have him. Its him choose to be like this and  raise your voice at me...you not nobody daddy up here. He act superior and thats unhealthy. 

If it gets past his common sense,i have every right to put him in his place. I am 26, i am grown woman regardless of my young teen heart.no man in dis lifetime put a say like you have authority. You clearly dont and i do believe that he cast first stone by calling someone liar and dress up like a stripper go to club..."

He certainly soon feel gulity and trangress for wicked things he says. I am not no stripper,i took a hour to dress as mature conservative woman to see.you not no stripper.

"How does a floral skirt with blouse from h&m and 7 inch heels turn be outfit for strip club? It just doesnt..."


"Then he tell me,nobody believe me after the aegruement over random butt calls to his phone."i swear,i didnt do it on purpose and i get the issuw fix but he always act like what do not sastify him.

Worst of all, you came for me to help you get close God. You not intaake the moral lesson nor believe me. You think you ought save your purity for another chick that you fantazies to bring sastifcation. The next woman based on looks not her connection of God would get your mother aporoval.

"Boyyy...you not mature enough for older woman and cant even take responsibilty for thing you do to me. I given you same love care protection back but you going to miss opporuntity us for lousy fantasy.."

These boys out here not like the generation before.they do anythn to get out of somethn that was good. I dont understand why he treat me such way? Why risk affection of ones for another person?!"

I asked "Do you know that right decision?"

He didnt know and he dont know now about us. Yet he sit there in his dorm room and block me from communicate him. Im mean facebook blocked his phone blocked etc..

You asked to be fri3nds but your actions is speak the loudest. My indifferent friends tell me to just walk away from him. Well they dont have say init cause it too late care now.

The damage is done and i just dont get any of them. I am not confront but he backward and their not right in mind. All i can do is not plan anythn,iwork hard to breakthrough my male bestfri3nd rigid mind. Nothing awaken him but nobody understand all the worth put in,build somethn nice.

Ive always need a real man who lift a broken women silence. Each time,im pick up pieces and keep my trust to mys3lf.

Its been almost 5 years but today, Sunday Apr 22nd 2018, i am without a bestfriend but develop immune to trust my friends .