Category : Books-Fiction
Sub Category : Fantasy
Once upon a time, there was a small village that went by the name SnowVille. There was a young ruler that went by the name Queen Rebecca of SnowVille. Everyday, she watched over the village. At the time, the village's population was just a few hundred people. But, Queen Rebecca dreamed, that one day, her village's population will go from 334 to 30,000. Or maybe 300,000. Or maybe 3,000,000! Queen Rebecca dreamed that one day her village becomes not only a village, but a city! With cars, streets, buildings--- "Rebecca! Stop daydreaming! You've got work to do!" "Huh? Oh, what is it you need, mother?" Rebecca asked, as she spun her head around to see her mother, who had a scowl on her face and her hands on her hips. "Rebecca, I told you a million times, if you're going to be a queen, you have to stop daydreaming and pay attention to your village." Her mother said. Rebecca sighed. "Well, I guess you have a point, mother." Her mother chuckled. "Oh, Rebecca. You and your 'Sorry-mothers' and your 'I-didn't-mean-to-mothers'. So adorable. You've been like that since you were just 4 years old. And here you are, 17 years old." Rebecca rolled her eyes. "How about I let you go for about..5 minutes, perhaps?" Her mother asked, taking her hands off her hips. Rebecca nodded. Her mother closed the door as she left Rebecca's room. Rebecca looked out her window. To her, at first, it kind of scared her since she was very far up from the ground. After all, she lived in a palace, and her room was on the 6th floor. The palace had 9 floors. She got used to it, eventually. She imagined the village as a big city, as big as New York, with millions of people living there. She said to herself, "One day Rebecca, one day." When she was younger, her dad told her, "If you have a dream, it's always good to accomplish it." She thought of what her dad said. She was already close to accomplishing her dream. She went and picked up the toy model of the Empire State Building her dad made her (when she was 7) from her dresser. Her dad made it for Rebecca to remember him. Her dad died in a car accident after her 8th birthday. "Dad, I'm so close to accomplishing my dream. If only you were here, you would've been so happy for me." She held the toy model against her chest. "You were right, dad." Rebecca smiled, putting the toy model back on the dresser. (To be continued cause I'm too lazy to write rest of Chapter 1)
Comments
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The title sounds like it's a teen fiction story BUT you have started the story with the opening sentence "Once upon a time" which is traditionally a starting of a fairytale story or in other words an opener for a story for little children. Got the feeling you were wanting to fuse the two genres . From reading further on it seems you {at this time of typing this story} you lack imagination such as calling the town in your story "snowville" . Seems to much a "lazy" effort as it sounds too similar to the famous fictional town of "smallville" from the Lois and Clark T.V. series. Hate to disappoint you, sweet kid. Hope I haven't been too hard on you. I was hoping for Mystery and adventure and action from almost the very start of Chapter 1. I was disappointed this time. I am not much of a reader and a measure of a good story is IF it keeps me reading VERY word {rather than skimming through the page with my eyes} regardless of what other distractions are going on around at the time {such as the T.V.}. Good Luck kid.
May 22, 2018
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