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Three months later and the nightmare continued. What was supposed to be a temporary getaway became my current residence. My driver's license was suspended so I wasn't going anywhere without him. I was no longer welcome with my family and he wasn't taking me back anyhow. It was his whole sick plan all along and the illness he carried in his delusional mind was rubbing off and seeping into my own mind. I became detached from the world around me and I only wanted to be in his presence. Geez, what was I thinking? I had completely lost my own mind and I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was spiritually broken and emotionally weak. It was time to just flip the switch and turn off my conscious. 

The one and only time I had ever gotten myself into trouble was in 2011. I was pulled over and charged with a controlled substance DUI and was sentenced to three years probation and lost my drivers license for eighteen months. Before that incident occurred, I had a clean record. Now that I was considered a resident of Erie County, Pennsylvania, I was urged to transfer my probation from Allegheny County to Erie. It wouldn't be long before I'd violate my probation and bring on new charges against myself. I've learned over the years that you can only break the law so many times, sooner or later you get caught and there's always consequences. The sad part, it only took me thirty-nine years to learn that. 

I wasn't a thief nor a drug dealer but if I wanted a roof over my head and food in my stomach, I had to learn the tricks of the trade swiftly. It wasn't a matter of finding a real job or making an honest living, why? Because I wasn't aloud. Simply because that would only open the door of opportunities for myself, along with the interaction of society. According to Rich, I was in no condition of working and applying for SSI was a more logical conclusion due to my mental state. I couldn't believe it when he made that suggestion. If anything, having a job would've bettered me in many ways, including my mental health. Before my addiction manifested, I was employed by the same company since graduating high school, I worked hard for many years and loved what I did. Then I lost it all, thanks to the wrongful choices that I made. Rich was a jealous individual.  This one time I overheard him say to his mother on the phone "I don't want her to go or do anything without me because she's beautiful and someone might take her from me." It was pathetic! All I wanted to do was be a productive member of society, not a menace of society. 

The weather was breaking and the  temperatures became milder like it normally did around the month of May. We were out scrapping metal which some of what was illegal. Rich couldn't afford to buy me clothes for the summer and what I'd packed to come up here months before were warm winter clothes. We would go to Walmart wearing baggy clothes and I would take a pile of t-shirts and shorts into the fitting room as if I was trying them on. Once I put on a couple shirts and a few pairs of shorts, I would ditch the tags so they wouldn't set off the alarm and walk out of the store. It was sickening. By the time summer rolled around I had plenty of clothes to get me through. John would've taken me shopping and paid for everything. When we'd get low on food, we'd go through the McDonald's drive through and buy a few cheeseburgers off the dollar menu, then pull over and run inside with the receipt claiming that they didn't give us our whole order. They would kindly apologize and give us the food. We hit up every fast food restaurant in the tristate area pulling that same scam and it worked every time. Dollar General Store's were another place we'd frequently rip off. Rich's daughter Jillian worked at the location in Girard, Pennsylvania. Rich would call to make sure she was there and when we arrived, Jillian would pause out the security cameras, allowing us to load up on everything we needed, then help us bag it up and we'd have all of our household necessities. That worked for the longest time but eventually she was fired due to a fellow employee catching on and reporting it. She was just a kid, she was only trying to help her father out but what did she know? He could manipulate a saint if he wanted to. 

In between the drug deals, the shoplifting and government assistance, we were getting what we needed however, it was never enough. The using became more frequent and the crimes only got worse.

THANK YOU FOR READING EVERYONE,  THE NEXT CHAPTER GETS BETTER AND IT WILL BE OUT MOMENTARILY SO STAY TUNED AND HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND! 💛💚💙💜