WRETCHED - PART FOUR Read Count : 148

Category : Notes/work

Sub Category : N/A
I sat on the bathroom floor that night in distress, trying to make sense of what just happened moments before.  I felt betrayed, violated and I knew that this wasn't what I anticipated it to be. I could hear the pain in John's voice after Rich made it perfectly clear that he was having a sexual relationship with another man's wife. There was nothing I could say or do to deny the fact because it was true. I was vulnerable and he used that weakness against me to fulfill his own sexual needs. He promised to never interfere with my marriage and if I wanted to go back to Pittsburgh, he would gladly take me without question. That all changed and I should've known that it would. It was mid-February in Northwestern Pennsylvania, there was twenty inches of snow on the ground, along with temperatures rounding the single digits and I was three hours away from home. I needed a place to lay my head at night. This guy had me right where he wanted me all along and there was nothing I could do about it. 

I tried to contact John for several days following the incident that transpired that night, he never replied to any of my text messages and when I'd call to speak to him or my son, a half ring would go straight to voice mail. Rich convinced me that John was no longer in love with me and that a real man wouldn't just give up on his wife if he truly loved her. I just wanted to know that my son was safe, I needed to hear his sweet little voice. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't? I was baffled. 

A good month had already come and gone and I was slowly becoming brainwashed by this man. I still hadn't spoken to John and when I tried to contact my parents to assure that everything was alright, they just hung up the phone once they recognized my voice. At this point I felt like no one gave a shit and Rich did a pretty nice job pounding that into my brain.  He made me believe that he was my soulmate and took me under his wing to protect me. He wanted me to believe that nobody could ever love me the way he did and he was the only one for me. I started to buy it. What the hell was I thinking? He was good! His own relatives used to refer to him as "the village con-artist. They couldn't have said it any better. 

The days turned into weeks and the weeks became months. My text messages to John became few and far in between. Rich and I were using together,  he controlled my drug use, along with the money we were scraping up to get by. I wanted to work and when I tried to find employment, he forbid it. His ideal way of life consisted of leaching off government assistance, selling his medication and driving through every residential area in Erie County on nights when people put their trash on the curb for the following morning. It was absurd and humiliating. The middle class society I came from would've defined this as "the white trash" way of life. That's the reality of it and now that's who I was. 

THANKS FOR READING. MORE TO COME.  





    

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  • Apr 18, 2018

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