Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

NOW & THEN 

Lying there is a distant memory,
I can't believe I went through all that.
Thinking about everything that he done again,
I've never in my life felt so alone.

Lying here is painful,
But other times is nice.
It feels so wrong and it hurts like hell,
But sometimes it feels good as well.

I need help with all of this I know,
My mind is flawed and always has been.
I need to speak and let it flow,
The emotions I mean, that only I've seen.

"Should I tell?? should I tell??",
"But why the need to tell at all??"
I know what will happen if I do,
I'll set myself up for a mighty fall.

I should have told and I wish that I had,
Then I wouldn't have so much to remember.
My soul and my mind may have been saved,
And my heart not so cold like a bitter night in December.

"You can't tell anyone they will call you bad",
"You will get arrested and taken away".
"Don't be scared though I Love You lots",
"Remember to come back tomorrow to play".

The adult me is screaming at the child me,
"Why did you go back again, day after day??"
The adult me doesn't mean to scream at you,
Maybe you will help me understand one day.

"The child is bad and out of control", they said,
They didn't know my story.
If they knew what was happening to me,
They surely would've felt sorry.

As an adult I know he was wrong,
I can't blame the child me forever.
He's the one at fault, she was just a child,
So should she take any blame?? NEVER!!.

Lying here remembering,
The pain still fresh and raw.
I hope one day it goes away,
And then happier thoughts can come to stay.

Lying here experiencing trying to get to my happy place,
The pain is excruciating and so hard to bear.
"Why can't you see the tears running down my face??",
Oh wait, you can but you really don't care.

I still feel it all now as I did back then,
Just in a different way.
Now is mental, Then was physical,
But the pain even though different is still the very same.