Category : Stories

Sub Category : YoungAdult

"But mommy, you said you would be home in time to see my pway."

"I know sweetheart but mommy has to work. Grandma is going to record it and we'll watch it together when I get home, deal?"

"Okay." Her disappointed response tugged at my heart strings.

"You be good for grammy, okay? I know you'll do great."

"I will." I let her down. Again.

"Alright honey, I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you too mommy. Bye." The phone clicks off and I stare at it, the light it emits barely illuminating the back alleyway. I put it in my pocket before smoothing over my apron and heading inside.

I take off my shoes and tiptoe quietly into my daughter's room. Her pale brown hair in her face, her soft snores filling the room. I tuck the stray strands behind her ears and kiss her forehead. Gently, I sit next to her on the bed.

" she misses you, you know." My mother stands in the doorway.

"I know, but I need to make ends meet. I can't afford to lose this job. Sorry to keep you here for so long."

"Don't worry about it. But Mark my words. You'll regret not spending time with her. I'll see you tomorrow." I nod absently not looking up from my 5 year olds face. I wait  awhile before getting up and head toward the kitchen, stopping when I notice the camcorder on the counter. I pick it up and put it in my purse. Ill watch it on my break. i head back out to the diner for my second shift.



3 years later

I put my head down on the table. I'm so tired. My eight tear old runs up to me, holding something behind her back.

" mom guess what?"

"What."

" I made you a picture." She smiles proudly and holds it out for me to take. I  barely had enough energy to reach out and take it. 

"Thank you honey." I smile weakly and put it on the table. Her face fell. "It's very pretty."

"But...." Her eyes water. " can we play?"  

"Give me a little while okay? Well play later."

she runs off. I sigh and close my eyes. Just a few minutes. That's all I need.




7 years later

Ring....... ring...... the person you are calling isn't able to be reached at this time. Please leave a message after the beep.

"Hey it's mom. I just wanted to let you know I'll be a late. There are  leftovers in the fridge you can reheat. I love you." I hang up.

"How old is she now, anyway?" My coworker, Michael asks.

"15." I barely muster a smile.

Mike whistles. "They sure do grow up fast."

"Yeah."

He flicks his half finished cigarette behind the dumpster. "Come on. Breaks over."

I get home to find the house a complete mess. I tick my jaw and head into her room, sterling for the fight that's enevitable, when my foot hits something. A heap of beer cans.

Oh, she's in for it now.

 2 years later

"Don't you dare disrespect me!" I yelled, following her downstairs. "I work my ass off all day. All I ask of you is to do small simple tasks. That's all."

She turns abruptly and starts screaming in my face, gesturing wildly with her hands. We've been at this for hours. I've had enough. 

"Fine." I lowered my voice. "You wanna play? Let's play. You think your grown? You think you can do whatever you want? You think you know more than me? Well there's the fucking door. Leave!"

"I will!" She disappears and comes back with her bag. 

"Where do you think your going?"

"Away from you!"

"Don't walk away from me. I'm your mom."

"No."She stops with her hand on the door knob. "You were never my mother to begin with." And then she was gone.

I stand and tap my foot. We've been through this many times before. She'll be back any minute now.

Seconds passed. an hour. Then two. My anger turned to dread. She didn't come back. I jump into my car and drive down every street again and again, searching for any sign, tears running down my face. I already called everyone, anyone I could think of that she would stay with. I even called the police. But I couldn't find her.

                     My baby was gone.




5 years later

"Excuse me sir, but have you seen this girl? " I held up her school picture. Then man just pushed passed me muttering things like no and crazy lady.

"Excuse me miss have you seen her?" She shook her head.

"No sorry."

"You didn't even look at it" I shouted after her. Mike grabs my shoulder. 

"Hannah give it a rest. It's been 5 years. I think it's time to let go."

"No! How fucking dare you try to tell me to give up on my daughter! You pompous ass-" he wraps me into a hug.

"You need to let go." I want to sob. I want to cry and scream. I want my daughter back. I shove him off me.

"You listen and listen well." Tears brimming my eyes, my voice cracking. "I will never stop looking. Never." 

He holds up his hands. "Just make sure you go home, ya? You'll catch death out here."

My fist crumpled the flyer. "You don't get it do you. It isn't home without her. It isn't living without her in it. I need-" I choked off and turned away. "Just because the police gave up a long time ago doesn't mean I have to."

 He left and I sat on the bench waiting until the next person came. At forty two my hair is already white, blowing in the wind. Worry lines became permanent on my face. Always out here, always worn out by the time I get home. I can't sleep and scarcely eat. At first glance I looked at least in my 60s. I get up and unrumple the paper. 

"Excuse me, sir, but have you seen this person?"



Eight years later


The machine beside me beeps with every breath I take. Stage 3 cancer. Random items are splayed around my hospital bed. A camcorder, hand drawn pictures, birthday cards, a blue hair ribbon, a 1st place science fair metal.

I would be getting a new nurse today. I chased the last one off. Everyone in this hospital wing knows me by name. I hold the flyer in my hand. I don't know why they bother. I am barely breathing as it is.

"Hello." I make a point of not turning around. "I'll be your new nurse."  she checks my vitals. I grab her hand

"Don't bother with that." I take a deep breath and lay back. She starts to head out.

"What's your name, child?"

"Lilly." Her voice came out soft, familiar.

I  catch a glimpse of her pale brown hair as she leaves.I sigh and close my eyes for the last time.

 "Lilly. That was my daughter's name, too."