Category : Stories

Sub Category : Fantasy

I am afraid of getting attached to someone & not having them . Yes , I am afraid of loosing...I don't know whether to express or not . Sometimes.. I feel I am the luckiest girl in the world for having you as my...other time I feel I am completely mistaken. I can't believe how someone can fall in love at first sight & that too so intense . I look for the reason that attracted you towards me but I endup realising my flaws . Would you believe? If I say I like you, you make me laugh , you're smart, different , talented , prays on time, a little ? No , alot crazy & awkward , & your smile is... I never thought I'll come across love in my life . I ask you to wait but how can I make someone wait for me if I am not sure what will happen. I ask you to leave...no, never how can I say this Im in a way want you but can't get you. Neither I can go against my parents nor I want to let go of you... Although I have heard alot of bad from others about you , no one said you are a good person still I believed in your words. You lied , broke my trust..still I never left you . Yes, I get upset many times but it doesn't mean I want to leave you. You can't understand how hard is to say 'no' .You keep on asking the same thing & I endup saying 'yes' . I don't think it's love from my side , still I feel it's your unconditional love & believe that stays connected between us. If I can't commit then I don't have right to keep your ring or bracelet. Maybe I don't deserve you , maybe I'm not worthy of it . I regret why I came across you , why you felt for me , why you want me , why you love me , why you cant live without me...i doubt my existence. You were happy before , living your life , enjoying your life , it's all because of me you hurt yourself. I know it hurts you alot because I don't love you back but trust me it hurts me too knowing I can't ease your pain. Knowing that I can't return the affection makes me feel like the worst person. I started thinking that it's my first & last chance at love & no one else can love me if I leave you. If I ask you to wait it looks I'm treating you as an option I don't know what...The moment I start liking you something is disclosed which resist me from doing so and develop a hatred. I don't like your mood swings and change in your behaviour . I want you to remain same because it makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know if you believe me or not but I never had a boy as friend or boyfriend and never wished to make one. I don't have any experience  because no one approached me and I don't know how to say no. I always preferred my parents choice because they trust me that I'll not do anything against them because if we have to chose , we will definitely chose our parents instead of anyone else in the world. I always found it wrong when I took a step which they stopped me from. When I joined the college I was trying to be strong and overcome a situation which I can't share it with anybody . That time college was the only place I found my mind can be at peace but it was just for a few days..the way you torched me by staring and tried to stalk made me feel more depressed . I have ignored it many times in a hope that you will stop doing that . Sometimes , manytimes...I cried because I was looking for peace and what I got was stress from everywhere. I never used to like you infact I hated you. I wonder why I was so comfortable talking to you when we first met since I'm nt at all friendly. You became my friend..lied about yourself, I don't know why , you better know that.The first quality I liked about you is your habit of praying on time because I always wished my future...to be religious. As I have already said I used to think you are a playboy type but I was wrong..i know you think I doubt you when I ask about girls who messaged you but I just want to know about your past relationships not because I don't trust you..you are loyal to me..I mean to the girl you love.You must have or had many girls in your life and you said you faked love with girls who tend to love you..so for you it wouldn't be a big thing to leave any girl anytime I feel I might become one of them ,the change in your behaviour makes me feel strange.You tests me for every little thing.I think you want to know everything about me iindirectly. You are a complicate personality  to understand.You said you believe in being yourself ,but was yourself trying to change because of me ??And I can't understand how ending a life can be solution to end everything..maybe you say this all the time because you want me to feel guilty and live in regret..maybe you want me to suffer if I don't agree with your decision..maybe it's your revenge for not loving you back because I can say you can go beyond your limits when it's about hatred or love ..I don't know why your love is based on frequent dates, touching each other , kissing  because what I heard was love is based on the connection between hearts rather than physical appearance.You are my  first boy friend and definitely the last one because from now I can never trust a boy.You want me to be caged in the boundaries you made..I don't know if this is known to be love . Thank you for making me realise how it feels being loved. I never shared such intense feelings with anybody. Feelings are something that cant be explained , it can only be felt. I tried to frame my feelings into words but I don't know if I placed my words properly or not , I don't know if I should have shared it or not,I don't have any idea how you would react when you get to read this, but this is how I felt.These are the bundle of unexpressed, untold , unheard , mysterious feelings. Respect it or disrespect it ..it's your choice. If you respect it then you will not question me .                                     Your puzzled 💟