Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Dreaming dead with the pivotal of thoughts, wavering to and fro with the worst rhythm possible, with that subconscious dancing, I felt my head moving with the mind to and fro, along with a heavy unusual load on my back, shook my head to regain consciousness to see someone pony riding me.
After a tiring morning work of setting up terrace garden at vibe’s fourth floor, the sunny day, soil loads and composts, seeds, tomatoes and spinaches, little hard for two. But it’s worth every second from now, thus slept heavy the afternoon.
Shrinking all my face elements to a center point, I looked back. Even lama Rinpoche would frown, when someone obstruct the sleep with a pony ride, the giggling rider seems to be my cousin Dhanu, in a flash of second all my anger perished, the shrink expands every elements of my face to the farthest.
“Hey stupid… little back, walk on me” I said with a laugh.
She giggled, she’s my 9 years old cousin, started jumping on my back, with the fluctuated laugh, I enjoyed the massage of hers, soon within two minutes, and she fell aside me with a wheezing giggle,
“Am tired bro”
“This is how you wake your brother stupid” I smiled at her.
“Nivas, I want to write a poem for next week project on ‘When I meet god’, do for me, do for me”
“Ha-ha, god? Okay funny topic, I’ll write” and I put down my head again with a yawn.
“Nivas, wake up. You’ll leave today right, write now!” she yelled and punched me twice on my back.
“Bro, you’re leaving today? But I drained your battery now” another voice hits my tunnel.
“Da Kishore, you’re here. I should’ve guessed it, you’re the director of that pony ride right?”
He’s always on high spirits, Kishore, 12 he is.
“Bro, no am not” he shouted with a cunning laugh, I jumped from the bed, “wait, I’ll ride on you” chasing him to the street, he ran away to the street end. I always forget my 70 kilo flesh when am with them, only light soul I feel, I noticed the streets becoming dull welcoming the purest of oranges heaping on the last hues of the blueful day, the silent unwavering branches, the interlocking paved streets and the tens of fresh smiles creating childhood memories on the street while welcoming the white guest on the sky, that was a view to freeze, adding more sweetness to the vista, mom came with a golden coffee, matches my skin.
“You are leaving today right, it’s 6.00pm, better pack your things now” she said.
Weekends are always beautiful, when it actually ends, most of the love and regret realizations often happens on either on byes or goodbyes, the depth of love can only feel from the distance. Staying away from the home isn’t hard for me, I chose to move away from family for college for a better time, same to job, I kind of ran away from home, which was some bitter memories of home. Even a good family could not able to provide good times every time.
With a coffee, I sat on the verandah until some artificial light ruins the nature’s delight, the dusk kindles the street light, in a fine order, and the long streets lit lights one by one, like welcoming guests through red carpet. I then started packing my usual assets, the specs and books, jean and tees, some color pens, not so fashionate like the fellow Architects, must say Architects are weird, but am weird in a weird way, I mean am good, like don’t see mirror much, believes much in function, rather than form. A shiny peanut brown outer layer, less than an millimeter deep, deep below it’s hard for anyone to see the color. 
The full sleeves and jeans, a blue wayfarer, always with a smile, with an orange backpack, colorful yet the worst combination possible, this is me. A curious person, many times seemed to be rude, but believe me if am rude that not worth. I remember, a year before when an old beggar possibly 55-60 age I guess, came to me and asked for money, I asked “What you did in your youth hood” Was I rude, am just curious. Whatever.

With the zephyr, I flew along with waving byes to everyone and I heard Dhanu’s voice yelling at me for poem and smiled her off. And to add, I can only smile with my mouth open, used to it, loved it too. The winds took me to the window seat and put me down. 

Was waiting for the bus to start, a night journey to the work place. And I thought I can think for her poem, ‘If I meet god? What will I ask’ asking myself.
“Can wish to bomb Mumbai again!, no, this time should be Chennai” joking myself hoping for a leave. God, I never believed in anything, I just laughing alone seeing outside, and a co-passenger saw me and gave a weird look, but somehow managed to close the mouth, but cheeks, I can’t control it, literally. The concept of god, either joke me or infuriate me, no in between. And the bus started to move, with the headwinds with a sigh turned to yawn, I started to doze off. And a Phone call disrupts, from Joe, am in no mood for mindfucks, so I dragged the red. 
Even on the irregular travel bumps, the vibrating bus, the thoughts were steady against me. “No am not going to regret the missing opportunity, I don’t need her even in my thoughts, I don’t miss anyone, coz I never needed anyone, damn feelings so unworthy” cursing myself as the bus halts near the nowhere school. And suddenly some twenty angels, some resembles Dhanu, some were older wearing magenta Jersey, I guessed they’re heading for the sport tournament, soon the silent bus turned to noisy chatters, the children are awesome in that, glittering sounds, the time was 10pm, finally all the sounds vanished and a perfect silence again as the bus hums, singing a lullaby to the passengers who were hoping for a better tomorrow. The peaceful faces of the passengers. But the peace prevailed little less than expected, an angel thought  that it’s a song time, started to jazz, it’s way beyond her age, but she sang, within a few minutes, the whole parade of angels turned the peace bus in to a mobile audition, they divided among themselves and were playing song games one after the other. I felt very light, free from every thoughts, even packed my headsets inside and started to enjoy their happiness. 

Soon I notice the grumpy faces with the frustrating eww’s all over, almost everyone woke up and almost everyone’s getting mad at them, except me. My co-passenger with a glowering face woke up to see me laughing with joy at their childish voice, he shook his frustrated head and murmured some words,
“Jeez, what’s this, it’s the bus or song club?” he shouted and even few fellow passengers shouted,
“Its way past 10.30, who’s responsible for those girls, just shut them off” several voices, but the song never cease to entertain me. The quarrels never disturbed them, it was like adding background scores to their songs, I see myself in them. But the time I tried going against all the odds, I quit halfway. 

Soon after my graduation in Architecture, as a passion for serving all the peoples rather than working only for the rich in an urban firm, I started my own freelancing service, to do things with more reasonable parameters, I always passionate about doing things that makes sense, both to peoples and environment. For the first three months, got few projects but couldn’t able to earn anything.

Instead of getting cheer ups from family and parents, I received faces and discouragements everyday, everyday I loathed being in home, they wanted me to take a job in city and earn something, live comfortably, these stupid accustomed life. I don’t stay on a place for even a single second if I don’t like. But I gave up on my passion, maybe for some time not because for them, but because of them. I don’t usually give a fuck to peoples other than family, but this time they were less family, the dump yard of feelings, beliefs and disputes. And I took a job and like ran away from home, but visited after three and half months. Another memory to hold.

I couldn’t sleep a single moment that night, the early morning when I got down from the bus, I saw the angels sleeping with flawless beauty, how can anyone raise a hard voice against them? Stupid peoples, who stick to moments rather than peoples. But the last night orchestra was little long and only ended after 11pm. I wished them good luck, without sparing a single word. They’re the pure spirits, and I started walking…

Story continues…