Category : Adult
Sub Category : Adult Romance
( Hi I've been dating for about 10 years now and im not a virgin.) " First fay of school and already thinking about sex." I said under my breath. " There is my first class here I go." i said again. " Kaitlyn Anderson? " the teacher called. " Here!" i said back. Okay few hours later its lunch time and im ready to go home. Few weeks later... " Hey Kitty!" a boy said. I turned and looked " Hunter! You are my sex buddy. Tonight at my house? My mom isn't at home until next week." i said. We got to my house and he ripped my shirt off. I mean he is the strongest man on the football team. And i took his off and we started. He injected and i accepted over and over again. Pretty soon i was pregnant. My mom moved out so she didnt know and never will. " Im not gonna give the child up!" I yelled. " I didnt say you had to I just said i miss having sex. Okay."
Comments
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Disclaimer: This is purely positive criticism and I hope that you take it in a constructive way & NOT to trash on your writing. I feel like there is so much more room for more vivid details. I want to get to know Kaitlyn and her life, just a little bit if you plan on continuing this story. I want to know a little bit more about her relationship with the football player. Vividly explain what she feels on an emotional level. If she secretly wants more than a fuckbuddyship or is she just full of teenage/young adult hormones (which her age isn't very clear, yet this is the first story I've read so excuse me if this is a continuation)? you should put in as much vivid explanation as you can (without going over the top of course) when they are in her room. What is she feeling? Heart racing? The exciting tingle she feels in her wet juicy...this is labeled adult, no need to be shy. You should make your readers feel that same exciting feeling. More details about when he rips her shirt off, if he was the strongest guy on the football team what did he look like under that jersey. How did his chiseled muscles feel under her soft touch? And the sex scene could be a great opportunity to practice how vivid you can get while explaining a scene in your story. Just friendly advice from one writer to another, go get 'em 🐅. Knock their socks off! 😜
Feb 27, 2018
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