Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

**sorry if my writing doesnt transition well or I have some autocorrects, I'm new to this**

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Back when i was young, about 7 or 8 years old, i was always very supportive about my weight even though I knew I was not very skinny (at all). I weighed over 120lbs. No one really talked about it, just noticed it.
 I'm not saying I was fat and had no friends. Actually, I was fat and had many friends. My closest friend was alex. She was the person i hung out with the most. We practically did everything together. It was pretty nice. Untill she started hanging out with other people, leaving me all by myself. But that never worried me. I was pretty quick at making new friends. That is, untill Alex would steal them all away from me, once again leaving me all alone. At this point, i started feeling lonely. As if no one liked me. It was a cycle of horrible thoughts running over and over throughout my mind. "Is it because I'm fat?" "Do i eat too much?" "Am I that bad at sports?" My thoughts kept leading me to my weight. That's when i knew I had to change my life. Change how i look. Change who I am.
And that's exactly what i did.

A year later when i was about 10, I had already lost 37 pounds, leaving me at 88 pounds. I was still determined to eat only 500 calories a day, 90% of that only being protein. I cut down carbs completely and couldn't beleive how fast I was losing weight. Weeks later I started noticing bruises all over my legs and arms. I wasn't sure what was the cause of that so i ignored it. I didnt talk to my family about it nor did I choose to talk to my Friends about it.

After summer break was over and i was in grade six, i was down to 70 pounds. I still thought I looked fat where as my family started worrying about me. I practically looked like a stick, skinny and boney. But That's not what i saw. I saw the opposite. It came to the point where my period had stopped because i lacked all the nutrients I needed because i was so obsessed with only eating protein. In which, all the nutrients I needed from fruits and vegetables were cut out of my diet. My parents even threatened to send me to the hospital if i didnt start eating more. But i was still determined to lose more weight.... so i did.

Weeks later, i had started eating less than 400 calories a day due to my obsession with losing weight. I just couldn't stop. By now, i was so skinny I could barely move and was so weak I couldn't even get out of bed. I knew I had to do something. But i was so worried that if i ate too much, I would get fat again. I didnt want to eat. I wanted to die. I thought about it over and over again. But I was too afraid to kill myself. I was scared. 

Days later when my parents made me move to a different school, i finally got the courage to eat more. I wanted to be able to eat what I wanted without worrying about my weight. And months later, i was able to do so. I wasn't on a diet, didnt exercise, but i was pretty healthy. Every now and then i would binge on sugary foods and just.... ate anything i felt like eating which was 80% of the time healthy. I wasn't worried about my weight at all.
Later on, i wasn't convinced I was healthy enough. But I also didn't want to look like i used to back when i was very skinny. So i got a calorie and nutrition app where i could eat all the calories and nutrients I needed for my age. I felt much better and weighed 120lbs at the age of 12. I didnt look fat at all but i also wasn't skinny. I was average. Which was exactly what i wanted my body to be. It was no longer about my weight but my health. Dont get me wrong, I was still lazy and hated the idea of working out but hey!! And least I ate healthy.

P.s: 

I know a lot of people out there think that only eating good food and cutting out all junk food Is good for you, but as long as you eat all the meat (unless your vegetarian), veggies and fruits you need, you should be able to eat junk food as well and still be healthy. It doesn't matter if you eat junk food, as long as you eat all the veggies and fruits your required to eat. I will shut up now.


I hope you liked my story which btw is actually true.