Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

I can’t talk to her when she’s like this, I can’t talk to her when she’s not. 
I’ve tried to express this, but it doesn’t matter. Let her liver rot.

She’s narcissistic, and way too eccentric. 
She always acts like she’s hopped up on ketamine; but that’s not her drug of choice. She’s an alcoholic, and it makes her mean. Constantly lowering my self esteem. 

She’ll tell you that it’s never about her, but she always has the spotlight. I admit this bitch is my mother, and she won’t hesitate to start a fight. 
Particularly with me. She knows how to push my buttons, knows I can only control myself for so long. Then when I react the way I always do, I’m in the wrong. After being egged on.

 I’ve lived with her for 21 years, and she bullies me like my middle school peers. She saw me suffer, but she’s no different from them. I think this all started around the age of 10. How can this be my mother, when all she does is bring me tears, more then “now and then” 

She knows more than ANYONE, that I’m impulsive, and manic. Yet she acts like it’s a surprise when the outcome is explosive, like a volcanic; 
eruption. 
She knows how hard it is for me to just function, on a daily basis. She makes it seem like I’m looking for attention, like everything I’m going through is actually painless. 
She clearly doesn’t know me at all. 
After everything she says, and make me feel though, I’m shameless;
And from now on, I need somebody els to call. 
m-“Hey Emma guess what” 

e-“What?” 

m-“You know how you’re special in the family? cause of your disabilities ?” 

e-“I didn’t know I was considered ‘special’ in the family, but I know my inabilities.” 

m-“You’re not special anymore, it’s no longer about you.” 

e-“I never said it was”

m-“No stop, it’s not longer about you.” 

e-“Are you trying to belittle me? Cause that’s what what you’re saying does.”

m-“NO EMMA STOP MAKING IT ABOUT YOU” 

e-“WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU’RE MAKING IT ABOUT ME”

m-“NO IM TELLING YOU THAT ITS NOT” 

e-“OKAY NO NEED TO REPEAT.” 

e-“why are you telling me this? are you trying to hurt me?” 

m-“ Your sister has a brain tumor. It’s not a joke. It’s not a rumor.” 

e-“omg is she okay?” 

m-“Well if you let me speak and you not make it about you..” 

e- “ okay I’m done. I have nothing to say. Get out of my room.” 

I know she’s been drinking, then again, she always is. I saw a look in her eyes, her facial expression got aggressive. 
m-“but don’t you care about your sister” 

e-“of course I do” 

m-“No you don’t, cause it’s always about you.”
e-“please just leave I don’t want to fight.” 

m-“no I’m going to talk”

e-“ fine but don’t get mad, cause I warned you, and was being polite.” 

m- “you never think of anyone but yourself” 

e-“ just leave I’ll talk to her myself.”

m-“ you can’t!”

e- “but I will”

I knew the moment she came in my room that things would go downhill. 
Most of you might be confused, but she’s a self centered bitch. Who will only abuse. 

She lives and breathes for attention. 
Oh, and I’m a shy introvert, did I mention? 
So tell me how the fuck I’m asking for all this attention. I’m too busy sulking in my own damn depression. 

I saw the look in her eyes, and I wanted to throw hands. She pushes my boundaries, and only demands. When I end up breaking down, I tend to push her out my door. 
She pushes me back, harder than I did before. 
She acts like I’m abusing, and yells for help,  because I’m physically making her leave my room when she refused to...welp. 

She’s also overly dramatic, everything’s a bigger deal than it needs to be. 
With her in the room, my nerves just go manic. I can’t be in the room with her for more than three, seconds. 

I’m trying to make sure things don’t escalate, 
cause I’ve learned from the past. I’m trying to handle this maturely, she irks my nerves so thoroughly. 

Tell me, am I wrong ? I’m bipolar, and she’s well aware if my temper. 
She eggs me on, and the others know it. She should know by now, I even own it. she’ll still never render. Never says sorry, apologizing? hardly. 

Cause I always do, and that’s why things don’t get this bad. But she thinks she’s the bigger person, when I’m the one who always walks away mad. 
Except she chases after me, 
she can’t just let it be. 
She wants this to turn into a fight. 
Cause she loves the spotlight. 
She’s always victimizing herself 
“oh nobody loves me” 
She flaunts her good deeds.
She’s that person on Facebook. You know, the one who posts about how she gave a homeless person some cash. 
The real ones don’t need to prove anything, 
It just makes you look like an ass. 

Nobody might understand the severity of it all. It may come off petty to some, but it’s worse firsthand. She can’t play anything other than hardball. 
But anyway, she chases me back to my room; when I try to be the bigger man. 
I try to shove her out my door, and she pushes back till I can’t stand.
 It’s like she forgets that I’m her daughter. 
Thinks of herself as a martyr. For me, she only makes it harder. 

Except there I go again, making it all about me. Now I’m afraid to speak in first person. Afraid people will think I’m being conceited, but then it’s a one sided conversation; two sides are needed. 
Except am I talking too much about me? 
Am I actually a selfish person? 
I seriously think I’m not. 
at least I try not to be. 
or is that her manipulating me? 
cause now I try harder than ever, 
to make others feel the spotlight. 
I belittle myself now. 
I cry every night. 
she’s an alcoholic, it makes her mean;
 and this is what I meant, by her lowering my self esteem.