Category : Books-Fiction

Sub Category : Comedy

"If you're not a cop....Show me your boobs"

5:00am and That was the second impression of him, the first was being struck because he was incredibly  tall and even though a bit slight in build, commanded attention, with every part of his arrogant swagger and charming, if not slightly devilish smile.

 She just stared at him as if he'd spoken another language and remarked "You called me, and if you want to play that game, I got better shit to do." Rolling her eyes she just looked up at him wondering why she couldn't shake the feeling he has all the makings of a serial killer. Yet she didn't want him to leave, hell this guy was gorgeous, she'd fuck him for free! 

 And so it began, that mind consuming borderlining obsession everyone experiences at least once in their life. It was weeks before she saw him again , she knew it was crazy when she followed him  down the road, but there was something so devastating to the thought of not seeing him again that she couldn't help herself. Something in the confidence he radiated struck her as a front put there to keep the world at bay. She was more right that years later she still couldn't believe the way she saw through him, she didn't read him like a book, he was like a window pane, or worse, a mirror. Where she'd show restraint and hold her thoughts in, he'd just blurt out what they were both thinking.

 He finally told her his name was Tyler....She knew he was lying, and she didn't care. It was four or five months later she found out his name and address, quite by chance when his car found it's way to her friends driveway. As she walked into Jim's house she announced "that cars really small if you're planning to ever fuck anyone in it, make sure the tops down n she's skinny" the house fell silent as she explained she'd had ALOT of sex in that car recently. As Jim argued he hadn't bought it off anyone named Tyler but rather a Gary, she text Ty to say she found his car, and who's Gary with a giggle she looked over the papers Jim had and laughed telling Tyler she had his address now so better not piss her off.


  
   "The male me, a fucking twat"

Or her favorite "the not boyfriend.....cuz  hes not MY boyfriend"  in the blink of an eye it had been five years, and she was always careful to keep herself in check where Ty was concerned, to always show his privacy and home the respect she knew it deserved, she wasn't there to be a home wrecker. she just knew she needed him, even if she couldn't explain the way she felt about him to anyone without sounding like a teenager with a crush. It was her mother that finally laid it out in black and white for her, at first she explained it as "wanting him because she couldn't have him" wich was only partially true, yes at that time if she could have had him, it would have been game over, hunt ended. But as time kept passing and her mother saw the effect his presence had on her she looked at her daughter across the porch and said simply "you just love him huh? Flaws and all, knowing how he is and what he's seen, done, could do?" There was no hesitation  in her voice when she immediately said simply "yes, the way I knew I loved my babies the second I saw them, knew I needed them, without a second thought to it, that's the way I feel about him, from the second I met him, and if you EVER tell him or anyone else I said that I'll just deny It!". 

 She was so closed off from emotions that no-one would think her capable of actual feelings like love. She even said herself, the only hearts on earth she cared for were the two she created. She didn't even care for her own heartbeat most days, she was very open about her desire to leave this world behind and not that she had ever planned on telling Tyler, but the few times she'd called him  crying and demanded he picked her up immediately, his showing up more than once had been the only reason  she was still breathing. She thought of him as the closest thing to a best friend she could imagine having. 

 Even thought she always thought he didn't listen to a word she said, every once in a while he'd repeat something from years before with a smirk, as if taunting her patients with him. He knew all the buttons to push and he'd push them until she lost her tongue and went too far, almost as if for his own amusement. And every time she felt like hitting him he'd tell her to go right ahead, as long as she remembered, they'd never find the body. It was as much a joke as it was a genuine warning. And she never ignored or doubted him when he plainly stated things like that. 

 She knew he was the only person on  earth she could bury a body with and be secure in knowing he'd take it to his grave. Yet she trusted him with her life, even if she did joke that her mother was notified every time she was going anywhere with him, just in case she didn't come back. She knew no matter what he wouldn't let anything happen to her around him. Except for their game of Russian roulette with a 9mm, as long as she went first. But even when she'd tell him she was ready, he'd never let her near one if she was in the mood to play.

    
 "Single yet?"


  Two simple words that always got a laugh in return, never a need for an answer, because if he ever was and she wasn't the first person he called she always told him she'd "have to forget you ever existed." He'd become the only stranger she'd ever love, instantly. With a finality akin to a death. Because there are only two things anyone can use to hurt or control her, her mini-people and her feelings for him.

 The latter being what she considered a fatal and exploited weakness, anyone that knew to use it to their advantage was what she considered a honestly hateful and pathetic person. The guy shed been dating off and on for 4 years was one of these people, she wished almost everyday he'd just disappear and let her go on without him. He was on the short list of people that if they disappeared tomorrow and never contacted her again  she knew shed be better off, she just didn't know how to make that happen without him hurting her physically, destroying her things or worse, she was afraid one day he was going to kill her in a fit of rage.

  More than once he'd tried to light her on fire, throwing paint thinner on her once and trying to ignite her clothes by holding a lighter in front of a can hair spray aimed in her direction. Over the years she hadn't shared much of his antics with Tyler, who only refered  to him as "that fucking goof" the disgust and disdain open and almost said as if he was angry at her for being in his presence. It always puzzled her why it angered him, it's not as if HE wanted her after all, she was sure he knew she wanted nothing more than exactly that, and if he ever made himself an option, to her it wouldn't be an option, because to her Tyler was never an option or choice, he was always everything she never knew she wanted. 

"Where you at?"

   
  "Wishing I was with you". No matter the hour, she is always wishing she was with him. She didn't feel like she had a right to feel this way, so possessive over someone that wasn't hers, but he IS hers at the same time. He haunts her dreams, the only ones she remembers that aren't about him are violent, dramatic relivinngs of things best left repressed. But dreams of him are remembered no matter the context. 

  Maybe she should forget him, maybe it's better if she does, but you don't forget someone you love beyond reason. No matter what. That feeling when you pass them in the street will always be the same, your heart will skip and your stomache will drop, because what could have been or what was worth having even part time will always be missed.


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Dear Twat,

   You might think this is about you, that's  just your narcissistic personality disorder. 

    Xoxo Jacqueline James.