Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Me, on my own.... I am the girl who overthink things. I hide my vulnerability, my fragility, and my insecurity behind brave smiles all day long. I tell it like it is and I wear my heart on my sleeve; at least that's what I've been told. I am the girl dealing with personal battles who sometimes finds it hard to keep it together, but I don't let it be known. I am still filled with hope, and I pray almost hourly that for once, everything will work out. I take life as it comes (curveball and all), and hope that things will eventually get better. I sometimes scream with frustration into the pillows and cry myself to sleep because the world just won't listen. I take what I get and I don't throw a hissy fit or kick up a fuss. I give everything I've got and love with all my heart, and yet, I am the girl who gets broken every time.

Me, when it comes to you.... I am the girl that flows in your subconscious. I am the one who rides the thunder in your veins, and the one who is aware of what your nightmares contain. When you bleed, I taste you. When you make a wish, I am that star. When you close your eyes because you feel me close, I am there with you. When you hear your name being whispered in the wind, I am calling out for you. When your heart beats fast and you feel butterflies, I am near. I am a vision that bleeds. One day, you will make me real. One day, you will whisper a promise you can't take back. When that day comes, your words will forge my flesh and bones, and your gaze alone will start my heart beating. When that day comes, when it happens.... your need alone will bring me to life.

The road I have traveled have been long and steep. And when you are traveling the path alone, loneliness tends to creep up on you. That is the situation I found myself in but there isn't much I can do to change things. Of course, I could always opt to change my course and find a new path but when it comes down to it, it all boils down to one question.... am I willing to give up on something I truly believe in?

I have searched deep and hard for the answer to that question. After years of weighing the pros and cons, I finally found my answer and I am at peace with it. And so, my journey continues....

For now, I am loving you in silence and in loneliness.
For now, I will adore you from a distance.
For now, I will kiss you in the wind,
and for now, I will hold you in my dreams.
BUT....
that is just until I can hold you in my arms.
Then I will love you with everything I am.