Category : Stories

Sub Category : Romance

Learning to accept myself was simply the beginning of my love journey. I've grown and matured alot as a person and I've reached a comfortable space of existing. I've begun to live life for myself and no longer care about the opinions of others and what they think of me. I've learned to do what makes me happy and if it doesn't fit in with conventional life, I'm ok with that. I've learned to distance myself from those people and situations that keep me stuck in a negative space.

I believe those closest to me fall into that category, so I stay away and continue to love them from a distance. They're not intentionally bringing me down, and I don't fault them for their misguided love and advice. It's the result of conditioning, upbringing and external indoctrination which has roots deeply embedded in their thinking and way of living. Like the saying goes: "You can never teach an old dog new tricks."

I know I can't change them but I can change the way I react to them. The easiest thing for me is to keep my distance, visit when necessary and do my best not to let their negativity affect me. It works for me and I've found a way of keeping them in my life and yet, not allowing them to influence me the way they've always had the power to do. Power...Yes I've taken the power away from them and in doing that, they no longer control me the way they used to. 

All this growth and self discovery...And yet, something was missing. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I was happy, I was living life the way I wanted to, no worries, no stress, no responsibilities, other than the ones I've given myself. But, still something felt off, like I still hadn't found the last piece to my masterpiece of a puzzle. But, it wasn't an obvious missing piece. It was a piece that wasn't easy to notice if you glanced at the entire puzzle. So you lean forward with a magnifying glass and a detectives eye and begin to examine the entire puzzle in absolute detail. 

The puzzle, even with that missing piece, is simply exquisite and you're suddenly filled with pride. You smile inwardly, patting yourself on the back and reflect once again on the journey that brought you to this point. It was long, gruelling and absolutely painful in every sense of the word. But you've been through the worst of it and know that from here on out, you can deal with anything because you're so much stronger, more grounded and confident. 

You focus your attention on the puzzle once again and examine it thoroughly. Yet, no matter how closely you look, the missing piece eludes you. The puzzle looks complete and you can't even tell where the missing piece should go. Still your gut is telling you that something is definitely missing. So you listen, because you've learned to trust that inner voice. Finally, you  carefully pack the puzzle away and decide to call it a day.

But, with each passing day, the nagging feeling gets louder, becomes more prominent. It begins to bother you so much that you feel like you're regressing back to the old you! It fills you with fear and panic, and for a small while, everyday suddenly becomes a conscious effort. You constantly will yourself to stop panicking and to quell the fear brewing deep within. What is meant to be will be, and you're the only one who can change the way you feel and the way you react to the world around you. 

Then one day...You meet "HIM!"

It's not clear at first that there's something extremely important about this person. You're not yet that psychic, although sometimes you wish you were. But even though you're not consciously aware of his significance, you still feel a familiarity about his presence to such an extent that you blurt out without realizing it, that you know him! And you don't know how or why, but you just know him.

He laughs and shakes his head, clearly indicating his amusement at your outburst and says with absolute conviction that this is the first time the two of you have ever laid eyes on each other. 

You smile and try to still your inner rantings because he's absolutely right. You search every ounce of your mind for a memory relating to you knowing him, but no matter how hard you try, you come up with nothing! Not even a blurred scene of a forgotten memory. You begin to think you might actually be going crazy, so you forcibly decide to ignore the feeling, and will it to dissipate. 

The two of you get along like a house on fire from the beginning. It's as though you've always been friends. He's comfortable, easy to talk to, great to listen to and he makes you feel a sense of belonging in his presence. It's as though his very presence calms you. You've never felt so comfortable just being you in the presence of someone else.

As you get to know each other better, you realize how similar the two of you are. His life experiences resonates with yours. You find yourself nodding to his stories or vigorously shaking your head in disbelief. You relate to almost everything that he shares with you and it's a little unnerving. 

I've come across many people in my life who've shared similar experiences to mine, but never, have I come across someone who's experiences of life has shaped their thinking, understanding and reactions almost exactly like me. I realized the experiences in itself may have been different. But, the way we both reacted to them, the way we grew from them, the way it shaped our thinking and attitudes to the external world was identical. Listening to him share his experiences was like listening to myself. I suddenly felt closer to him than I've ever felt to another human being. I started to feel as if my experiences and life lessons were meant for him. I'd had to go through them because I have to had needed to understand him. 

Our friendship steadily developed over time and became something completely genuine and inspiring. We'd sit and talk for hours about anything and everything and it'd seem like only a fraction of the time had passed. This happened every time we were together and the bond between us grew with each meeting. Each of these meetings were special, meaningful, inspiring, insightful, and completely fulfilling. 

And then suddenly, without warning, our blossoming friendship came to a grounding halt. He disappeared from my life as quickly as he'd emerged. Until that moment, I hadn't realised the significance of him in my life. When he disappeared, I felt strangely sad, a little empty and somewhat lost. He'd become a sort of mirror for me. Having him as a friend allowed me to do so much of self reflection and looking into his eyes felt the same way as looking at myself in the mirror. I hadn't even realised the amount of healing that'd been taking place since he came into my life. He'd become a treatment for my illness. Being around him had definitely healed me in so many ways. His experiences and the way he dealt with life allowed me to understand myself better and it helped me identify and understand the unhealthy vices I'd become so accustomed to hiding.

His sudden absence caused unexplained emptiness and I couldn't understand this black hole of despair manifesting itself deep within my core. I wasn't in love with him and yet, his absence made me feel like somewhat of a jilted lover. 

Still, my inner voice told me that this was only the beginning of something more, something that would alter my state of being and reshape my perspective on life's journey. 

I sensed that we'd meet again, and it would be soon. So I decided to wait patiently... 

He did return...Sooner than I expected...
And this is where my "Love" journey began...
This is also where my "Love" story begins...